Prophecies a curious mix with financial predictions

your say February 17, 2013 00:00

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Re: 'Global showdown is looming over us,' Overdrive, Opinion, February 15.


Thanong Khanthong’s financial predictions are always illuminating, especially when he occasionally ventures into the field of speculative metaphysics.  In his latest column, he tells us of the prophecies of St Malachy, who predicted that the next and final pope will be named Peter, and that his reign will end “with the destruction of Rome, or the world as we know it.” 
Always curious about apocalyptic theories, I consulted Wikipedia and found that Khun Thanong’s account is accurate.  But the Roman Catholic Church considers St Malachy’s prophecies a forgery.  Historians note that they are accurate up till 1590, shortly before they were published, and notoriously inaccurate thereafter.
Troubled by the thought that the world may soon end, and with it my enjoyment of Happy Hour, I consulted my sister Hortense.  She has her own personal shaman, who offered an alternative scenario.  In 1535, he tells us, the Aztec prophet Kvetchalotl predicted the Aztec End Times.  Activated by nuclear seepage from Fukushima and the North Korean nuclear tests, and facilitated by a series of earthquakes, zombies will arise from beneath the earth and proceed to wreak a horrific carnage on the human species.  As humankind writhes in its death throes, help will come from an unexpected quarter.  The Saoshyant (the Zoroastrian Messiah) and Kalki (the Tenth Avatar of Vishnu) will suddenly appear. This Divine Duo will possess a supernatural weapon, the Discus of Indra, which has been lost for centuries, but which they will have unearthed from its resting-place in the Ark of the Covenant. They will use it to restore life (and good looks) to the zombies, who will then become benefactors of humankind.
So there is a happy ending to Khun Thanong’s speculations, although I wouldn’t bet on Prince William becoming king of England if Queen Elizabeth retires.  His father, Prince Charles, is next in line.
Hadrian Beasley