The conversations now shaping the world? 

opinion April 19, 2017 01:00

By Tulsathit Taptim
The Nation

If certain very serious political allegations are true, the following conversations must actually have taken place, albeit in a more subtle form:

T: Are you sure we should do this?

P: What have we got to lose? You are under investigation for being my puppet, for crying out loud. And moreover, people die in Syria every day.

T: But the chemical weapons...

P: That’s the idea. It will leave you with no choice but to reciprocate. Problems solved.

T: How much should I do it?

P: Enough to look presidential, make a world which is getting suspicious about us afraid of something else, and thus bring the much-needed tension back. The art of diversion, you know.

T: I will have to issue a few statements.

P: Go on. I’ll understand. Use the same old “unacceptable” and stuff like that.

T: Cool. Bye.

P: Bye.

Meanwhile, T’s domestic rivals are getting restless.

Democrat A: We have failed to take Syria into account.

Democrat B: Of course, and that makes us look like idiots right now.

Democrat A: Idiotic sour-losers to be exact.

Democrat C: Calm down. Our plan can still work, with a bit of tweaking.

Democrat B: How?

Democrat C: We leak the idea to the press that it’s just a show. P gave the green light to the Syrian government to launch chemical strikes against its own people, so that T could react and look like a tough guy.

Democrat A: Not bad, actually.

Democrat B: Brilliant, in fact. We can tell the world that even if T punches P at a summit, it will all be just a show.

Which leads to the following dialogue between T and P:

T: The Democrats have seen right through us. It seems like they are telling the world the chemical bombs and my bombs were for show.

P: Ask them back what they expected you to do. Ask them if they wanted you to sit still? Tell the world your political opponents would have been happy if you had turned a blind eye to Syria.

T: What a fabulous idea.

P: Your political opponents call me your master for a reason. 

This sent the Democrats A, B and C into another hush-hush meeting.

Democrat A: The guy is asking what he was supposed to do. It’s a legitimate question.

Democrat B: His twitter is on fire, and what people are tweeting is absolutely not in our favour. The mainstream media are scratching their heads, and there is all kinds of speculation on the social media. We are up against the ropes here.

Democrat A: Should we describe his action as doing the right thing for the wrong reason?

Democrat B: As far as politics is concerned, doing the right thing is all that matters. The public doesn’t care about motivations. If the guy starts to ask what Obama should have done in the circumstances, it’s over for us. 

Democrat C: Take it easy, folks. We have planted seeds of doubt and they won’t be removed easily. Whatever he says, does or signs, people will question it. 

But what if T and P are innocent of the puppet charge?

P: What the hell is going on? You bombed my ally and the world is seeing it as intentional friendly fire.

T: And you are cursing your luck? Think about me. They wrongly accuse me of being your puppet and now they are using my attack on your real puppet to prove it. And if I had sat on my backside and done nothing about the chemical strikes, they would have told the world, “See?”

P: Why are you sounding like you want my sympathy?

T: You started it.

P: Sorry about that. Let’s get back to the fact that we are enemies.

T: And your problems aren’t my problems.

P: Cool. So, let’s go for a real war.

T: Deal.

As threats of a genuine war between superpowers loom, Democrats A, B and C get into a huddle again.

Democrat A: It looks like the peace talks are collapsing.

Democrat B: Can we still call it a show?

Democrat C: As long as a sizeable part of the world believes that 9/11 was a show, of course anything can be called a show.

Democrat B: I don’t want to go down that road, but what’s really your idea on 9/11?

Democrat C: Let’s just say how lucky we are that we aren’t Republican.

Meanwhile, T calls P again, buoyed by latest world developments.

T: Kim Jong-un is saving my ass!

P: Congratulations. Told you he would come in handy and to your rescue some day.

Elsewhere the mood is different.

Democrat A: Damn Kim Jong-un.

Democrat B: May he rot in hell.

Democrat C: I give up. He should have tested the missiles before our election.