I was compiling statistics recently from about one hundred 360-degree surveys of my clients, and I discovered that respondents' average rating of the statement: "My boss listens to me well", was just 50 per cent - half-way between "no, not at all" and "yes, absolutely".
Yet most of my Clients would initially swear, hand-on-heart, that they were great listeners and welcomed others' ideas - particularly from their subordinates. It's a bit like 90 per cent of drivers believing that they drive better than average.
If, indeed, bosses half-listen, what valuable insights do they miss? And how much more value could they create from stretching their co-workers' thinking a bit further, through genuine listening?
Beyonce sings the following words. Maybe subordinates should be singing the same to their half-aware bosses:
-"Listen to the song here in my heart,
-A melody I start but can't complete;
-Listen to the sound from deep within,
-It's only beginning to find release.
-Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard,
-They will not be pushed aside and turned
-Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen;
-I'm more than what you made of me.
-I followed the voice you think you gave to me,
-But now I've got to find my own, my own..."
But such songsters we are not, so here are four simple tips for bosses - and coaches and everyone else - to help us all to become (even) better listeners.
The easiest tip comes from the song "Summer Nights" in the movie "Grease":
-"Tell me more, tell me more!"
That simple query thrown into a business conversation requires subordinates to tap into deeper thinking, sometimes into their subconsciousness, where they can find greater insights. "Bingo!" when they mumble 'umm' or 'aaah' before answering.
The second tip is courtesy of Simon & Garfunkel, from the song "The Sound of Silence":
-"I saw … people talking without speaking,
-People hearing without listening …
-And no one dared to stir the sound of silence."
Seriously, when it's all about stretching colleagues' thinking, silence is our friend. Aren't we all sometimes uncomfortable with silence and strive to fill it with words? Therein lies another opportunity for subordinates to articulate their thoughts further.
Third tip: when asking for more thoughts, keep your questions as simple and as "pure" as possible. By "pure" I mean devoid of any influence. Beyond "tell me more", you may like to ask: "what else comes to your mind?", or just "is there anything else?", or interject "and…?" or repeat inquisitively a significant word or sentence your subordinate has just spoken.
Last tip of the day: listen holistically. Beyond what is said, identify what is not said, and what emotions are involved.
As an illustration, here is the beginning of a real coaching conversation with Ken, a Singaporean executive. He starts by telling me:
"I'd like to delegate more."
"Please tell me more."
"I need to spend more time on high-level issues, and improve my work-life balance."
"Anything else?"
"Higher-level managers delegate more than I do."
(I remain silent)
Ken wriggles his hands and looks into the distance, absorbed in his thoughts. After a while, I "mirror" his unspoken communication:
"Ken, you look to me like you are struggling internally…"
"Yeah. On one hand, delegating some tasks frees me for more important ones, but on the other hand, I risk getting lower quality deliverables from my subordinates."
"And…?"
"To be criticized for that."
"Anything else?"
"Hmmm… (silence) Yeah, I won't get credit anymore for what I am doing now."
"Ken, I am hearing a lot of 'I', 'me', 'my'…"
Ken falls back into his armchair as if he has been hit, with a kind of a sigh. We help best in these situations by saying nothing, as heartless as that may appear. After almost a minute, he speaks again.
"Yeah, I must admit it sounds all about me… and I am stuck (another sigh). I mean, as long as it's all about me, I am stuck."
"Stuck?"
"Stuck to my level."
"Stuck. Like what?"
"Stuck like a bird with tied wings."
At this stage, we have deconstructed superficial thinking, and Ken is ready to move towards deeper exploration. When he articulated the metaphor "like a bird with tied wings", this indicated that he was starting to tap into his subconscious.
While the four tips above will help to prove that you're a great listener, there are obviously far greater rewards to be gained from "asking for more thinking". It enables your subordinates to think at a higher level and you will hopefully elicit prime ideas for the business.
Should you be interested in more conversational techniques and wish to practice, you are most welcome to join us at a Thailand Coaching Society public meeting at 6pm this evening at the Millennium Grande Hotel on Asoke. The event is free, but participants will have to pay a refreshments cost of Bt600 to the hotel upon registration.
Jean-Francois Cousin is an accredited executive coach and former managing director of a Fortune 500 company in Thailand. Follow his articles in Hi! Managers on every fourth Wednesday of the month.
