I don't know how to describe Tawatchai Thongmak, who died in the Big C bomb attack at Rajprasong on Sunday evening. Surely, he was not a "democracy hero", was he? He was just a very unlucky man who happened to be at that bus stop when the bomb went off. He could have been any of us. Just about anyone could have been there, but Tawatchai's name came up in a cruel lottery draw somewhere, and the rest is history.
Unlike red-shirt or yellow-shirt protesters, or troops deployed to deal with them, or reporters assigned to monitor them, Tawatchai left home that day not anticipating the slightest danger.
His name won't become a rallying cry. There will be no coffin parade, or any medal or honour. The government and the red shirts have said they are sorry about his death, but that is the most that he and his grieving relatives are ever going to get.
The worst part is that his relatives will likely go through the rest of their lives confused and not knowing who to blame or who to trust. The blame game and conspiracy theories have already begun. One side will tell his family that it was part of the red fanatics' retribution campaign, but the other will claim that the bomb was meant to blow away the chances of an early end to the state of emergency.
If his death is "a price to pay", the question is to pay for what? For the Thai elites' relentless pursuit and persecution of Thaksin Shinawatra? For the inequality between Bangkok and rural areas? Or for Thailand having clashing versions of "democracy" and being dangerously naive about it? We can search for an explanation all we like, but none of the potential answers will make any sense.
He was not a hero, but whoever planted the bomb were absolute cowards. Terrorism is never an act of bravery to begin with, no matter the reason or who carries it out. Tawatchai died simply because the mastermind, no matter who it was, decided that it was all right to take his life to advance a course of action. He died because all the "principles" cited by both camps of the conflict are not as cherished as claimed.
An "ideological" clash that has seen both sides compete to value almost every aspect of "right" has degenerated into gross disregard for innocent people's fundamental right to life. How did we go from there to here? How did we go from "every man's right has to be respected" to "if a bystander's death can help our big picture, then so be it"?
April 10 was tragic, but it was perhaps a tragedy waiting to happen. The same dark forces dictated the Silom BTS grenade attacks and the May 19 infamy. Compared to them, the Big C explosion appears trivial. But is it, really?
The Big C bomb tells us that one party in the political conflict has crossed the last line. Shrapnel found at the scene provides tell-tale evidence that the bomb was meant to cause casualties, not just to "scare", as was the case in previous bomb attacks. A bus stop in the city centre, in the early evening, and adapted explosives with a good range of destruction - it was cold-blooded murder.
We can only pray that Tawatchai rests in peace and spare our thoughts for his family and relatives, who didn't have a chance to tell him they loved him or ask him to take care last Sunday. Like most of us, he left home that day not planning to die for a cause. He never thought he was going to be killed by a timebomb in the middle of the city. Nobody does.
We may soon forget his name, as he was just an ordinary person who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The 51-year-old man did not harbour any political cause for us to advance. He passed away without leaving any message. What was he thinking in the seconds before the bomb exploded? Of the recent street turmoil that took place in the area? Or something to do during the holiday yesterday?
Let's remember him. It's all right to not know his face or let his name slip away, but the only way to make his ordinary life count is to recognise the meaning of his unheroic death. Tawatchai Thongmak represented everyone of us, who never thought politics in our beloved motherland would be this violent and heartless. To realise that is not much, but it's the best we can do.