This is not a break-up message, sweetheart. We never really belonged to each other to begin with. It's just that things have come to a point where I don't care anymore about this superficial relationship, so here are my cards on the table.
Go find your new victims somewhere else you witch woman, and please forget all about me.
You're no different than that manipulative opportunist, Steve Jobs, you know that? No, you are worse. I mean, how bad can a serial rip-off merchant get? He takes people's money, but not their souls. I'm happy to buy his iPhone 4, knowing that its value will drop 80 per cent when iPhone 7 comes around next summer. He makes a fool out of me, all right, but at least he's straightforward about it.
You're a brutal heartbreaker, a prom queen who likes to tease, deceive and cheat. You are not looking for real love. We are only part of your trophy collection, and our failings constitute your pride. Nothing pleases you more than stupid men like us fighting and dying for you.
You brought out the worst in us and, worse still, did so in a way that made it appear that you were inspiring men to do noble things. Truth is, nobody can possibly associate with you without being a fraudster or total hypocrite. You made us stone our competitors and be proud of it. You made us stand up for our rights and discard other people's in the process.
I'm through with your flip-flops. One day you said cheating men were sexy as long as the "majority" supports them, but the next day you talked about transparency, honesty and integrity. Here's a little secret, honey: Men can be whatever you like. Just make up your goddamned mind, okay?
We aren't ready for each other, dream girl. If you are truly worthy, it must be in a parallel universe. To us, you are a cheque that we cashed too early, or a Ferrari given to someone who has barely passed the driving test. Either those, or we don't really know who you are.
You flatter to deceive. You make yourself appear so near one minute and so far the next. Chasing an elusive you has been men's most popular sport. Everyone loves to lay claim on you - the good, the bad, the cunning, the gullible. It's an honour for any man to be able to say on his deathbed that he once used to fight for you.
Well, maybe I overstate it a little. Mr China rejected you from Day One, but check him out now. Having seen something many of us didn't, he's on his way to becoming the biggest economic powerhouse of this century. And, it pains me to say this, Mr Burma must be in stitches at the moment.
Last but not least, you have been so aloof that you may have deluded yourself. You have fooled yourself into thinking men have been fighting for your virtues, your ultimate beauty so to speak. No, most of them are not, and here's my sincere warning before we part ways.
Men are abusive. As simple as that. We can run around like fools allowing ourselves to be manipulated and toyed with, but after the "deflowering" is completed, we change. So, be careful who you seduce. I didn't initially plan to warn you about this, but you are someone that I used to love.
Wow, I didn't think I could be this sentimental. When I started writing this, I was wishing for you to rot in hell, but this letter is a soul-searching process in itself. My resolve is not wavering, though, and you are still a bad, bad girl.
Don't worry. I'll live. See? This pretentious "I do care" attitude is one of your very ugly sides. You often assume that men can't live without you, but I have had enough of your "dignity" nonsense, sweetie. Look around and show me who's left with dignity in Thailand. Tell me who deserves to be your man.
You can't, can you? Everyone is a train wreck thanks to one lady. Be proud. You have outdone the one who launched a thousand ships. At least "she" pitted men from one country against those from another.
So, leave. Don't cry, because I'm feeling great. No more urge to change the world now. I'm a man whose only ambition is to see England lift the World Cup. As for you, go watch the tournament somewhere else, because I've changed the lock.