Why Donald and Kim should choose Bangkok

your say April 21, 2018 01:00

I have just been watching a CNN news report in which distinguished anchorbeings discussed proposed venues for the upcoming summit meeting between US president Donald Trump and North Korean supremo Kim Jong-un.

Among the venues being considered are Pyongyang, Ulaan Bataar, the DMZ, an aircraft carrier off the Korean coast, Singapore, Vietnam, Sweden, and – would you believe? – Bangkok.  Kristie Lu Stout seemed enthusiastic about Singapore, Will Ripley about Sweden.  Nobody spoke up for Bangkok.  

This is a unique opportunity for Bangkok to make a major splash on the world scene by offering to host the summit here. The other venues fall far short of what we have to offer. To avoid hurt feelings, I shall refrain from criticising their shortcomings, but will merely tout the advantages of Bangkok. 

First, the two first ladies could do some major shopping in our world-famous shopping malls. They wouldn’t have much fun shopping in the DMZ, Ulaan Bataar, or an aircraft carrier. With their wives happy, Gasbag Don and Little Rocketman will be in a mellow mood to discuss their differences. Bangkok shopping malls will thus make a major contribution to the quest for world peace.

Second, I shall be happy to squire the two leaders around on an in-depth tour of Bangkok’s robust nightlife. This will put them in an even mellower mood, further enhancing the prospect of world peace. Perhaps The Big Kimchee will be inspired to create a duplicate of Soi Cowboy on the stern streets of Pyongyang. But I suspect that Melania will not be keen to have Philandering Don recreate the Nana Plaza at Mar-a-Lago. To prepare the two leaders for their own crucial negotiations, we can discuss the fee for my services at a quiet table at Patpong’s famous Pussy Galore. 

Third, this will be an ideal opportunity for Thai Prime Minister Prayut Chan-o-cha to present his philosophy of “governance by coup” to the two leaders and to the world at large in a brief series of lectures. An eloquent exposition of his political theories is bound to make a major impact on the thinking of such progressive world leaders as Russia’s Putin, Turkey’s Erdogan, Syria’s al-Assad, Hungary’s Orban, the Philippines’ Duterte, and others of similar mindset. 

Fourth and most important, The Nation will be able to sponsor a seminar with the two leaders in which its renowned contributors Dr Frank, Nigel Pike, HHB, Eric Bahrt, JC Wilcox and Robin Grant can expound their wisdom, hopefully without marring the occasion with a fistfight.

I trust that the powers-that-be will present a vigorous case for Bangkok that will succeed in persuading the two leaders to hold their summit here. Viva Bangkok!

Horace Beasley