Horace Beasley banished to the doghouse indefinitely

your say February 15, 2018 01:00

Re: “Horace Beasley unwise to drop ‘Sweet Yingy’ for ‘Hot Yoey’”, Have Your Say, yesterday.

I thank Robin Grant for his thoughtful analysis of my flaky husband’s mental condition, but would like to correct a few misconceptions.

First, Ms Yingluck’s nickname, as devised by my husband, is not “Sweet Yingy”. It’s “Sweet Yingsy”. I’m told that the sibilant “s” gives it a seductive softness that enhances its subtly sexual and sensuous appeal.

Second, my husband is not “hot”, although I’m sure he would be flattered by such a designation. There are times when he is barely lukewarm. If you want a nickname for him, be advised that his scurrilous British drinking mates call him ’Orrid ’Orry.

Third, Mr Grant need not concern himself with Horace’s numerous mental infidelities, like dumping the charming Yingsy for the cold, harsh, and expressionless Ms Yoey. My eagle eye, my iron hand, and above all the threat of my ever-present meat cleaver all combine to ensure that his deplorable promiscuity will always remain solely on the mental plane.

Fourth, in defence of my Korean sister, I may say that if you had to live in North Korea, you’d look pretty cold, harsh and expressionless yourself.

Fifth and finally, Mr Grant need not worry about the possibility of Horace pursuing his latest lady love and running into the receiving end of an anti-aircraft gun. He is now safely locked in the garage, as is normal when he goes astray, and I estimate that he will be getting out around the same time as the long-anticipated Thai election. Can somebody please tell me again when that’s supposed to be? 

Constance Beasley