Much ado about nothing in a kangaroo court

Judge: Young man, you have been charged with espionage. How do you plead?

Accused: Absolutely not guilty, your honour. I was simply telling my government the scheduled movements of a Cambodian citizen.

Prosecutor: That Cambodian citizen happened to be Thailand's guest of honour, which in effect raised his status to the equivalent of a Thai. The accused was putting a virtual Thai citizen in harm's way. His Cambodian enemies could attempt to launch a missile at his plane, for instance.

Defence lawyer: Objection, your honour. That's purely speculative. This Cambodian prince was not someone running desperately for his life. He kept telling his supporters where he was, what he was doing, countries he planned to visit, and so on. He told his followers what song he was going to sing next and when and where. He has been acting as if he's a Cambodian celebrity away from home. And how can a man fearing for his life show off his home overseas on a regular basis to begin with?

Prosecutor: That home is in the Middle East, your honour, way out of range of any Cambodian rocket.

Defence lawyer: Are you saying that, because the prince was in Thailand, his life was in greater danger?

Prosecutor: Sort of.

Defence lawyer: I want this to be put on the record in capital letters, your honour. The prosecution has accused the Thai government of putting the prince's life in danger by naming him a cultural adviser and inviting him to Bangkok.

Prosecutor: Objection, your honour. Ridiculously argumentative. All we are saying is, the prince's flight data was Thailand's classified information.

Defence lawyer: How did a Cambodian's travel info become Thailand's top secret?

Prosecutor: He was a political victim that we were offering refuge to. Many things could have happened to him because of the information leak.

Defence lawyer: Your honour, many Cambodian politicians have come to visit the prince and have been partying the night away on our soil. By the prosecution's logic, such visits shouldn't have been allowed, as there was no way we could have been sure who is who. Many things could have happened, as well.

Prosecutor: The visitors were all the friends of the prince, your honour.

Defence lawyer: So, they are entitled to know the prince's whereabouts? Since when did we have double standards on classified information or national security? They are all Cambodians, if that means anything to you. They may hug him today and throw him to the lions tomorrow.

Prosecutor: Your honour, the defence is just trying to confuse us all by making it sound complicated. The point here is very simple: We can't let foreigners snoop around for whatever they want to snoop around for.

Judge (Nodding at the accused): Young man, do you have anything else to say?

Accused: Nothing, sir, except that I hope the prince will understand I meant him no harm.

Prosecutor: Objection, your honour. This is strictly our internal affair. The suspect's indirect plea for the prince's help will make things complicated.

Defence lawyer: Welcome to the club!

Prosecutor: Your honour, please make the defence retract that unnecessary sarcasm.

Defence lawyer: Let me rephrase it your honour: This is confusing enough already without letting the prince seek a pardon for the suspect. I believe the prosecution and the defence share the same opinion on this.

Judge: Okay then. Young man, this court finds you guilty of breaching Thailand's national security by acquiring and forwarding information on the prince's travel arrangements. Your explanation that you were unaware that such information was classified rings hollow because if it had been unclassified, you would have known it in the first place without having to sneak up on a Thai government computer at midnight.

Prosecutor: Way to go, your honour.

Defence lawyer: Your honour, we beg you to rethink and have mercy. Convict this innocent boy and we will all make a mockery of our country's stand against the political victimisation of the Cambodian prince.

Prosecutor: We demand punishment to the fullest extent of our law.

Judge: Shut up all of you. I will hold both of you in contempt. Don't treat this like a kangaroo court. Seven years and 100,000 baht. Case closed.