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Professionalism dictated that we could not ignore the tip-off. Yet we cannot escape the responsibility for the fact that most people will now remember how Carradine died instead of how he lived. We are part of a cruel world that the actor, even in death, cannot bid farewell to, because this world is making it difficult for him to rest in peace.

The swift, spontaneous reaction of the cyberspace did not make things easier. As soon as we broke the news on the website, the story was forwarded, blogged about and tweetered in a worldwide frenzy. Thai-language news websites did their reporting in their own sensational way, and, within hours, details that we cautiously held back were out there for all to read.

You may find it hard to believe, but this is the part of the job that many reporters hate. And more so in a new world where journalistic ethics are under great pressure from no-holds-barred information exchanges on the Internet. After trying for hours to be relatively vague on the circumstances surrounding Carradine's death, our Web team joined the flow on Friday morning, partly because "everyone else is reporting it", and partly because there were suggestions that our self-censored reporting could be "misleading".

His relatives and friends were outraged, and rightly so. His death was shocking and sad enough, but they had to watch helplessly as media outlets, big and small, chipped away constantly at Carradine's dignity. A decent human being who gave his fair share of contribution to the celluloid world and was well-loved by so many, he deserved better.

You can be one of the world's most brutal dictators but if you die a peaceful death, warm in your bed, chances are you will be luckier than David Carradine. If you die an unfortunate death like his, pray. His flaws that were supposed to be normal human traits are now being analysed under a media microscope. Much of the world is forming an opinion of a man based on how strange his sex with ex-wives reportedly was. His life-time's work is in danger of giving way to dark curiosities unlikely to subside any time soon.

Those who used to know him, more or less, have been putting up a lonely fight on the Net to honour his other sides. He was described as a cool gentleman and graceful actor who still sent autographed photos to his fans. Acting gurus lauded his professionalism and focused lifestyle that made his "Kung Fu" roles all the more convincing. From the tributes, he could have easily become one of the most gracious late stars but for the rope and everything.

We may never know what really went wrong in his hotel room that day. But what matters more is probably what has gone wrong with all of us who still live. Assuming there was no foul play (as Thai investigators were convinced there was not), does the world really need to know how Carradine actually died? If you are a champion of freedom of information, you will say one thing; if you are his loved one, you will say another.

Freedom of information sounds romantic as long as it's others who are at the wrong end. The media, people like me, will have to continue to grapple with the ideal's double edges. Sometimes we are lucky enough to publicise what should be, but sometimes we are not. The worst part is that whenever we get unlucky, many other lives will become miserable.

Last Thursday, we did our routine rolling of the dice. Despite my growing sense of guilt, the gambling may still be alive after all. If Carradine was murdered as suspected by some of those close to him, breaking the story of his death couldn't be too bad a decision, as the authorities involved were handling the incident in secrecy at that time.

If no foul play happened on that day, all we, the media, can do is say sorry to Carradine and wish that, in spite of our disturbing clumsiness, he now rests in peace.