Till death do us part

"I am so grateful to him for all kinds of experiences," she said before the crowd burst into laughter and applause, while the former president turned beet red, "... which have given me an extraordinary richness that I am absolutely beholden to and grateful for."

It was by far, I thought, her best line. It's not only that Mrs Rodham Clinton has finally found her own place in life and career, but also in her union with her significant other, as imperfect as that is.

"Behind every great man there is a great woman" was one of the most popular slogans of the 1960s feminist movement. It is said to have set off other slogans, such as "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". Gloria Steinem, a grande dame of the movement in the US, credited Irina Dunn, an Australian educator, journalist and political activist as the coiner of the expression. However, the exact origin of the phrase is still in dispute. But to be fair to the less-fairer gender, the opposite is also true. Marriage is like the tango: it takes two.

The Clintons' problems have been well documented. Both are ambitious, strong-willed, extraordinarily intelligent, and possess great flaws and weaknesses. Ironically, it would be highly doubtful if they could have reached their respective pinnacles without each other. As the old Thai adage goes, "a kite cannot fly to its peak without strong wind".

On the day that Mrs Rodham Clinton had to stand in front of the Grand Jury during the White Water investigation, those who were with Bill Clinton at the White House saw the genuine pain and anguish of their president. Friends and foes know Mrs Rodham Clinton always seems the tougher one, and she is not always cuddly or loveable. He, on the other hand, is known for having an Achilles' heel when it comes to the descendants of Eve, which has contributed to the marital discord and his own political failings.

By sticking with him, despite all, she has been accused of feeding her own ambitions and agenda on his political position and accomplishments. He, on the other hand, has been accused of relying on her as the breadwinner of the family so he could pursue his political career. In his waning days after leaving the presidency, her star in politics rises. Naturally he wants to play an important part, and she understandably wants none of it.

As with her struggle to find her right hairstyle over the years - until she found "it" - Mrs Rodham Clinton has struggled to break away from her husband's shadow and be the person of which she is capable. In time, one may resent the permanence of one's spouse almost as much as one relies on it.

On the evening of her first political victory, when she became a senator representing the state of New York, she walked on stage to address her crowd of supporters. Mr Clinton reached out to hold her hand, but she pulled back. It was her declaration of independence. The moment was a flash in the pan, but it still remains in the memory.

The story of the Clintons is a first-rate reflection of two individuals who thrive and grow, not only together as a married couple, but independently as individuals, because of and in spite of their union. Through all the trials and tribulations, the bond of their marriage never seems to break. Or it may have broken, but has managed to reattach or regenerate.

What makes some marriages work and some fail is a question without a single correct answer. To make it work is an art, not science. Some may say it is fate, some call it chemistry, and the rest (the majority) will say it is toil that comes with a lot of sweat and tears.

They have learned that the wedding vow "till death do us part" is at best vacuous, and at worst, nonsense. Some couples seek alternatives such as "for as long as we shall love," or "as long as our marriage shall serve the greatest good". We know that vows are not always kept, but they still have a nice ring to them when said.

As the love element fades, the common threads of marriages that last and thrive are patience, mutual and healthy respect and, most importantly, forgiveness that, in the words of a very dear friend, comes out of the "generosity of spirit" and not simply necessity. It is the forgiveness that comes from one's heart, not one's head.

So if Mrs Rodham Clinton's remarks about her husband at her swearing-in give us any clue, it is that she gets it - that the key to a good union, after all the fighting and struggling, is to be at peace with oneself and with one's spouse, and to realise that laugher, joy and growth can never be attained alone.

But as with any peace, matrimonial harmony is fleeting and requires constant work. Like it or not, marriage is high-maintenance, and without continued upkeep, it crumbles. A house divided against itself can never stand.

There have been many great love stories that hold beyond the outward manifestation and ostentatious gestures of this ill-defined and mysterious emotive configuration. A tango dancer cannot excel at the dance unless his or her partner is also good at the art. Together and sometimes at a high price, they push each other to a higher plateau.

The US Madam Secretary and her success can be attributed not only to herself, but also to her equal half. She has demonstrated that behind a great person, man or woman, there is always someone else behind, or besides, that helps makes success possible.

Happy Valentine's Day, for what it's worth, and whatever it means and entails.