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We are fast approaching that point - of not really knowing what to feel. We woke up on Monday preparing for the worst; that the day ended without a drop of blood spilled did not fill us with promise. The bottom line is, civil war or not this week, nothing is likely to change in our country. The nation may have been divided beyond reconciliation.

Taking a snapshot of Monday and yesterday, we got a cat-and-mouse comedy. Zoom in and we see the tragedy of people having been killed or injured for political causes. Looking deeper, we find a sad tendency to sacrifice lives for political stakes. And deeper still lies the major reason for this miserable circus: money and greed.

Things have spiralled out of control, muddying everyone's conscience in the process. How did you feel upon seeing TV footage of People's Alliance for Democracy protesters assaulting a senior police officer and spitting on him until his head was soaking wet? Or when militant cab drivers ambushed a PAD convoy by hurling iron bars at speeding cars?

If you feel sorry for the officer, what about the PAD protesters who were killed by tear gas and the bomb attacks on Government House? Yet who is to blame for the deaths and injuries, the police or provocative protest leaders? Surely seizing Government House or besieging Parliament warrants a drastic state response in any other country, but hasn't the PAD single-handedly blocked constitutional amendments that could have whitewashed many political crimes and put Thailand on another potentially disastrous path?

Shall we dig to the very bottom and pinpoint the real culprits? Or is this the time to look at the foremost layer of Thailand's multi-level political truth? Reports yesterday that Thais wearing yellow and red shirts started firing at each other in separate incidents are probably what we should be most worried about. Our luck ran out on October 7, and we can't assume it will return early.

While there have been no major clashes since Sunday, warning signs are everywhere. A well-known temple has inadvertently joined the fray by accommodating a pro-government rally. The PAD, amid accumulating deaths and injuries of its members, is taking its feeling of injustice out on many others. The anti-government group hijacked four buses on Monday and yesterday some protesters reportedly threatened fee collectors with assault and got a free ride on the expressway.

At this rate, Thailand may no longer be known as a country divided, but one filled with mutual hatred. Those in the middle will be confused watchers maligned by both sides and increasingly at a loss as to what is right and what is wrong.

We don't know what to believe about Army chief Anupong Paochinda. Is he a coward bought out by Thaksin Shinawatra or a repentant former coup-maker who somehow has been convinced that toppling an elected government by force will just create new problems? Yesterday when he unequivocally declared yet again that there would be no coup, one half of the country cheered while the other half cursed and sighed.

We don't know whether to laugh or cry at government leaders and lawmakers playing hide and seek with the mobs, as everything previously on the national agenda piles up on the backburner. The worldwide audience to our political drama is getting bigger, with Thaksin popping up here and there to attack Thailand's justice system and the UK, which has turned from a "democratically mature country" to a "gullible nation duped by Thai judges".

How are we supposed to feel? Don't say you want it to end quickly because that thinking can play into the hands of either side. In fact, are we supposed to feel anything at all, since any kind of feeling can play a big part in prolonging this national pain? Even simply feeling sad can be construed as sitting on the fence.

The worst part is that detachment can be irresponsibility, too. But what else can we do, when we don't know either how it's going to end, or how to end it.