NO, NOT JUST ANOTHER BARGIRL NOVEL EXTOLLING DECADENCE

No Problem Girl

By David Young

Published by Hostage Press International

Available at Leading Bookstores, Bt450

Reviewed by James Eckardt

Special to The Nation

|

   David Young has written six bargirl

novels. The first was "The Scribe",

about a down-on-his-luck expat who

pens love letters for scheming bar

girls in Bangkok. His latest is "No

Problem Girl", set mostly in Pattaya.

 Just what we need, another bar

girl novel, right? But David Young is

different from the legion of other

expatriate authors. He can write. His

characters are sympathetic, the plots

are fresh and fastpaced, and the dia¬

logue often hilarious. He is in fine

form in "No Problem Girl".    

 The girl in question is Aree from a

typical poor farming family in Korat.

She's a high school graduate who

speaks fair English and has just lost

the job she's held for six years.  So,

she comes to Pattaya and lands a job

as a barmaid. She is, emphatically,

not a hooker. In fact, Mr Dwight, the

American owner, does not want

hookers in his bar. He interviews one

job candidate by asking her name,

age, marital status, children, and

then: "Sprechen sie deutsch?"

 "Ja."

 "Get lost."

 The plot has a great many quirky

twists. The novel opens this way:

"The girls were naked. Naked and

purple.

 "All right, perhaps not entirely

naked, but they were, unarguably

purple. Their hair, their arms, their

breasts and the short Romanesque

skirts that each of them wore.

Purple. At first Peter Slodell believed

he was watching some sort of erotic

tribute to Prince."

 But we're not in Pattaya but

Chicago where Peter Slodell is

watching an arty nightclub review.

Slodell is a ne'er-do-well heir to a

mayonnaise fortune. He refuses to

work and prowls the clubs to pick up

girls. The hitch comes when his

father dies and specifies in his will

that Slodell must be married before

he can collect the family fortune.

Slodell decides on a sham marriage.

Slodell goes to his friend Victor, a

graduate student and computer

expert, who recommends an interna¬

tional matchmaking service. Victor

has a friend who explored Thailand and

Russia before settling on a temporary wife.

Victor warns Slodell:

 "He toured Southeast

Asia before heading to Moscow. He said the

Thai were the warmest, friendliest and most

beautiful people on Earth. He also said they

were the most distant and shallow bunch he'd

ever encountered."

 "Victor. I'm distant

and shallow." It takes half the book

before Slodell arrives in Bangkok.

Meanwhile, Aree needs the

money. She has received a letter from

her sister summoning her home to

become the minor wife of the local

godfather who holds her father's

gambling debts. Siam Dreams Matchmaking

Agency in Pattaya is a logical option.

Slodell is met at the airport by agency rep

Mr Nick, a Brit who has fallen hopelessly

in love with Aree.

 "Peter regarded his escort in nothing short

of astonishment ... He had light-coloured hair

made dark by all the bottom-shelf supermarket

gel that kept it in place. The clothes he wore made

Peter think of a twelve-year-old

being dragged to church. Blue pants,

a plaid, shortsleeved shirt and a

necktie that should have been taken

out behind the barn and shot." Mr

Nick will act the Iago to deter the

budding romance between Slodell

and Aree.

 Slodell submits Aree to a quiz

about famous historical figures and

finds she does not know who Hitler

is. To that, Victor responds, "There

are still plenty of Russians. I'll bet

most of them have heard of Hitler."

Slodell does make it up to Aree's

family village in Korat. He winds up

with her crazed teenage brother and

his motorcycle gang.

 "They became part of the gang and rose,

free wheeling,born to be wild, yippie kayyay,

through the darkening roads and

endless rice fields. Peter could see

that they really did have command of

the streets ... This wasn't a gang; this

was an army. They could probably

restore democracy in Burma once

their acne cleared." Will Slodell and

Aree rescue each other? I recommend

that you find out for yourself.