Democracy vs corruption: wounded tiger or a coward?

The latest twist in the showdown between Corruption and Democracy over the blazing Kingdom of Thailand carries a profound question that not only political scientists around the globe, but also Queen Elizabeth's football authorities, will have to ponder.

Democracy: You lot are pathetic cowards!

Corruption: Not so fast. The exile announcement can also mean you, Democracy, have lost. Wait for a Wall Street Journal editorial.

Democracy: Dream on. No one will believe such a story now.

Corruption: Oh yeah? To me, it sounds very solid: a former popular leader, who was democratically elected in back-to-back landslides, was driven into exile by the remnants of a dictatorship who had ousted him in a coup and have now interfered with the courts of justice in a bid to finish the job.

Democracy: How about a crook no longer able to use election "legitimacy" as a shield, although "democratic" Parliament is flooded with his nominees now looking for a new place to hide?

Corruption: England let him in with open arms. That says a lot, doesn't it?

Democracy: The poor Brits had no choice. They let him buy one of their football clubs last year despite deafening protests. Denying him entry now will give comedians, satirists and cartoonists from Bangkok to Manchester a field day.

Corruption: The Brits won't extradite him. Mark my words. They will treat him as he is - a democratic champion escaping persecution by dictators in his homeland.

Democracy: The FA will expel him from Manchester City as "unfit" and "improper". Mark my words. And that could make one great international joke - England's football chiefs are more morally correct than its government.

Corruption: That we are having this argument only proves that we are both inseparable. That man is our joint product. We wouldn't have had this fight but for the pretentious idealism on your part.

Democracy: I'm through debating that with you. I'm not signing any pact. And I'm happy just to sit and watch your high-profile representative rot away in England.

Corruption: How ironic. You are damning your own ambassador. Check out one of his touching statements: "I and my family will stay in England where democracy is more important."

Democracy: "Where jail is a bit further away" sounds more accurate.

Corruption: Give the man a break. Like he said, he may not be a perfect guy, but he's not as bad as his enemies have made him out to be.

Democracy: Some of the "drug war" victims gunned down by police during his time would have loved to make the same plea. They didn't even have a chance to try to bribe the courts, police or prosecutors.

Corruption: The courts have been hell-bent on throwing him in jail; what was he supposed to do? With all due respect, Mr Moral High Ground, every democratic politician bribes his way out of trouble. Sorry, pal, but while you were busy preaching the freedom to choose and media rights nonsense, the world moved far beyond that. Now democracy means if you win an election, you can cheat, write your own laws and whitewash your fraud.

Democracy: And then flee to England claiming that dictatorial judges are out to get you?

Corruption: Exactly. A beautiful blend of you and me, isn't it?

Democracy: Sure, and he will meet a beautiful end. Let democratic advocates cry for him. Let the whole world condemn the Thai judiciary. Let him depict the Thai judges as the worst since the witch-hunters. I don't care.

Corruption: You will live to regret this. No democracy that refuses to turn a blind eye to me can ever last. Don't come sobbing on my shoulder when the next Thai government is kicked out by the military over a couple of bad cheques or missing tax invoices.

Democracy: If the missing taxes are worth Bt4 billion, I'll say good riddance.

Corruption: Someone will fill the void, you know. People think they can get rid of me but the truth is that I can jump from one host to another as easily as a woman attracted by a new pair of shoes. And if you think I'm bad now, wait until I renew my pact with an old ally, the dictatorship.

Democracy: Then I will fight you and the dictatorship. Let's make this a good war. You have been confusing the public for too long, hiding behind my identity. Show me you can fight me like a man, not as a coward!

And the world, heaven and hell continue to hold their breath...