It's my money and now I want it back

I thought I would get the credit I deserved. I thought they would treat me the way I was supposed to be treated.

But hell, no. I should have known better.

Shame on the media. Shame on those who were supposed to take action. Shame on every one of them.

Alright, the money belongs to me and I want it back. And I'm going to sue everyone responsible for returning it to the wrong person. Of course, it was intended as a "bribe" - even primary school students know that. But I dare anyone to arrest me. Here in Thailand? Not in a million years.

What? Why do I sound so upset? Read any news website and you'll know why.

As I'm typing this (Tuesday, June 17, 11.15am), they (the inquiry committee) are planning to summon the clerk of a lawyer suspected of leaving Bt2 million (of my money) in a pastry box at the Supreme Court last week.

Yes, you heard it right. One bloody week after the incident and it only just hit someone in the fact-finding panel that, "Hey, maybe the guy who left the box at the court could actually give us some useful tips."

Please read carefully. The website reports said they "plan to" summon the clerk, which means the invitation card hasn't even been sent out yet.

They've got to be kidding me.

That's it. I'm done. When I plotted the scheme, I envisioned the money being seized (I even put it in an unorthodox container so reporters would have got nice photographs), the "crime scene" being sealed off, a dozen warrants immediately being issued, dynamite news headlines and editorials written about how this "biggest slap in the face" to the Thai judiciary has to be promptly dealt with.

How naive I was.

As it turned out, reporters were only alerted by a tip-off. By the time a vague press conference was held on the following day to announce an investigation, my money had been politely "returned" to an unidentified recipient.

But for some newspapers that went way off the mark in their attempted conspiracy theories, my work could have completely come to nothing.

To rub it in, there have been claims that the bribery was in fact a case of mistaken identity. Apparently, the one who left the cash at the court took a wrong bag, thinking it contained some sweets intended for court officials.

I'm not an advocate of capital punishment, but whoever buys this excuse has to be shot on sight.

Why did I send the money? Because I wanted to prove that people still cared. I wanted to provide confirmation that there was still hope.

You know, we have been living too long in a society where bribes are not the ultimate insult, but not giving them is. A friend of mine told me that when he recently gave Bt200 to a traffic policeman, doubling the Bt100 standard, the cop switched from being a scolding moron to Mr Congeniality in the blink of an eye.

With my little plan, I just wanted to prove that we are still not beyond cure. I left all the necessary trails - fingerprints on the bag, easily traceable banknotes, and so on. My delivery man was also  instructed to show his face around for a few witnesses and smile at every security camera (which, of course, was unfortunately turned off on that day).

The only thing missing was my name card with a provocative "Come and get me" note.

I'm still waiting for police cars with their sirens wailing to come to a screeching stop in front of my house.

I'm still waiting for every court president in the land to come out and condemn me and demand my punishment to the fullest extent of the law.

I'm waiting for everyone who matters in this country to join forces in a "There must be no scapegoat this time" campaign.

But I seriously doubt that any of these things are ever going to happen.

If they still want to catch me, I'm not going anywhere. Otherwise, just find me the money (and I mean not a single baht short) and I'll be on my way.

I could end up being held for contempt for saying all this, but you know what? I couldn't care less.

Moreover, the real contempt took place a week ago and failing to punish me for that but penalising me for this will be kind of funny.

The man behind the Bt2 million gift.