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It's just not you, man! You would not even be half the Samak that I know if you zipped your mouth.

Dude, you need to grow some balls. This kind of U-turn is for those other chicken shits. You're going to stop talking to the media twice a week just because they brand your language "rude"? You yourself said earlier that the media are all a bunch of shits. Why are you listening to that bunch of chirping turds instead of doing your effing job? Why?

Those air-head shits don't know a goddamn thing about your awesome language skills. Tell me that you did not mean it when you said you'd stop your press conferences for good. Tell me that you just said that to shut your critics up for the time being.

Man, you've got to be proud of yourself. You've done what other prime ministers in recent decades failed to do. You rescued the Thai language from pretentious morons by making everyone listen to every friggin' word you say. No ass-licking intended here, but listen: if those pompous farts in the media don't pay careful attention, how the hell can they then print your excellent choice of words in their newspapers the next day? See, the stupid jerks are learning Thai every day.

My point is you're talking the same language that we all hear every day. You make your speech so conversation-like. Damned if they don't get that your communication skills are so effing good. When you slammed that poll, you didn't need to waste a lot of words to get your point across, just one - lousy. Lousy is lousy, and it as clear as that. Same goes for when you called that radio station, an idiot radio station - that was another bloody good choice of words.

When I heard that someone is trying to put an adult rating on your "Sontana Prasa Samak" because of your "improper" language, I asked myself: What the bloody heck is wrong with this country? Is there any country that wouldn't want the kids to listen to their prime minister? In fact, all those little pricks could learn a thing or two from you. The other day my friend's kid was watching you and she learned a new word - dadjarit ("fake or pretentious"). Now, if all the kids can wake up early every Sunday and listen to you, they'll grow up to be true smart asses.

Remember your famous quote? "Have you had sex (seb methun) with anyone last night?" That was just friggin' awesome man - the funniest shit I have ever heard from any leader on this entire planet. You made many Thais run quickly to the nearest dictionary to figure out what you'd just said. You've once said that those words were just because of a "slip of the tongue". Wow! Man! Don't tell me that if you'd used your brain, your effing word choice would be even sharper!

And what's with all the fuss about you using the pronoun "mueng"? Go and ask any knowledgeable person and they'll tell you that "mueng" simply means "you". Yeah, maybe it also means, "damn you" too. What's the big deal, dude? Those dumbasses just picked up on it to screw with you, that's all. Don't give a rat's ass about them man. And damn you if you do.

In your weekly TV address "Sontana Prasa Samak" ("Talking in Samak's Style"), you always manage to surpass your predecessor Maew with a real bloody down-to-earth approach. Not meant for the snobs. You've offered more words of wisdom than that Maew never did. Your talks have a street-smart logic to them and you don't give a rat's ass about listening to any group's bellyaching. Yes, Samak you hit the nail right on its damn head man. You remind many Thais of words that we have dumped. And it is you who brought back words like mueng that had been missing from the lips of any official.

Well I better get my ass out of here before I waste too much of your time. I hope you enjoy my goddamn letter. I'm not a copycat but I have to say sorry if it makes you feel like you are talking to yourself. I have been faithfully listening to your Samak-speak religiously every freakin' Sunday and all I want is to yap like you.

Please, you're a cool dude and you don't have to feel embarrassed about your talent. If anyone ever wants to put an adult rating on your show, they will have to cross my effing dead body first.

Your effing fan.

("Puen Khong Mueng" in Thai)