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Published on February 27, 2008

 I mean, Thailand, after all, is "No Country for Old Men", where "Atonement" is in order for you-know-who, thus making the possibility that "There Will Be Blood" linger. Talk about rubbing salt into our wounds.

Having said that, Thai political life is much stranger than fiction. Here, heroes are those with the biggest fan clubs that villains have helped set up.

The Kingdom's political epics do not involve patriotic sacrifices, but rather tales of rat ships, shameless about-faces, and ideological "values" promoted through freebies. If you are demanding that truth be cherished and cheaters punished, you must have watched one Korean soap opera too many.

Not that we can't be entertained by what's been going on, though. The madness has been spreading fast and infecting all of us. To quote an all-time favourite movie cliché: I don't know what is right anymore. Guess my counterparts at the Wall Street Journal, which has become something of a cheerleader for you-know-who, are more or less confused as well. At first, their Monday editorial scrutinising the Clintons' financial obscurity, read as being quite touching and righteous, but if you think everything through, it could be seen as "Hold on a minute here. It's no crime, is it? Why the big fuss?"

Well, my humble suggestion to my WSJ buddies is: learn from our example. It's hard to compromise your principles the first time, but, I guarantee, it will get much easier in the future.

Anyway, the following awards are my attempt at "Nothing is a big fuss". My ability to convince everyone to take things lightly, however, has been unconvincing of late, and I agree with some readers who have noticed that my mood swings have become worryingly consistent. Anyhow, here are my Oscars, which are inspired by real events....

Best Supporting Actress: Sunisa "Lieutenant Awol" Lertpakawatand in "Where Are You?", a film about an amateur writer's relentless search for her banished idol. The winner edges out R&B queen Sarunrat "Lydia" Visutthithada, who starred in "Here I Am", whose producers insisted they had nothing to do with the former movie, although the two plots could be motivated by the same man.

Best Supporting Actor: An absolute nightmare for the judges. Noppadon Pattama in "Red Passport" was the favourite alongside Chalerm Yoobamrung in "I Know What My Son Did Last Summer, But He Has Become A Monk". The award, however, goes to Jakrapob Penkair in "My Turn", a story about a freedom fighter who ends up fighting freedom.

Best Actress: It's a no-contest in this category. Pojaman Shinawatra comfortably won with "He Said, She Paid", acclaimed by critics as a film that unearths a modern-day recipe for sure-fire political success.

Best Actor: Co-stars in "No Country for Old Men or Young Ones", Surayud Chulanont and Abhisit Vejjajiva were both nominated, along with Sonthi Boonyaratglin for his highly complex role in "I Know Why I Did It, But He's My Brother Now". But Samak Sundaravej, who received double nominations for "Liar, Liar, Liar" and "Nominee's Change of Heart", takes the honour for his role in the latter.

Best Special Effects: "The Invisible Hand".

Best Score: "Square Face, Square One", composed for the movie about its namesake. Despite a big controversy over its melodic similarities to the theme from "Psycho", its ability to send chills down everyone's spine won over the judges.

Best Foreign Picture: "Goal III". Set in Manchester, England and unrelated to "Goal I" and "Goal II", this film tells the story of an aspiring young Asian footballer caught in a scheme to exploit soccer's popularity for political gain.

Best Cinematography: "Love of the Lizards" wins hands down thanks to one unrivalled love-making scene against the backdrop of sunrise at Government House.

Best Documentary: "The Life of Snoh Thienthong: The Man Who Perfected The Art Of Swearing Without Consequences".

Best Short Documentary: "Samak's Memory" beats "Chalerm's Vision" and "Yongyuth's Tenure" to claim this one.

Best Screenplay: The invisible hand(s) who wrote "The Invisible Hand".

Best Director: The invisible one(s) who directed "The Invisible Hand".

Best Picture: "The Invisible Hand".

And ... in our special category ... Best Horror Picture of the Decade ... the award goes to ... "Honeeey, I'm Hooome!!!!"

Tulsathit Taptim

The Nation