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Published on September 23, 2007

Cat says

 T he Western perception of Asian women has had many influences over the past century or so. Asian women have been presented to the West in roles ranging from Madame Butterfly in Puccini's classic opera to Miss Saigon in the popular musical.

These stories usually depict Asian women as submissive, obedient, obliging and fragile, available for exploitation by men, especially Western men. This typecasting has often been reinforced by Hollywood films and Western literature, which focused at first on Japanese geisha then moved onto events such as the Vietnam War, from whence the concept of R&R in cities such as Bangkok sprouted.

However, the relationship between Western men and Asian women has been revolutionised in the past few decades. We are now no longer perceived as an exotic fling. Countless numbers of Asian women these days are taking on the role of wives - by choice - to Western men.

Evidently, the number of marriages between Western men and Asian women is increasing steadily all over Asia and the world. When I got married 18 years ago in England, it was rather rare for an Englishman to marry an Asian girl.

At the church where I got married, the whole community turned up to get a glimpse of me: a Chinese bride was a rare sight in a North Yorkshire village back then. In fact I suspect that I was the most foreign element to visit the 13th-century church since the Vikings pillaged the village! These days many of my Asian girlfriends are married to Western men and the variety and combination of these marriages are a far cry from the usual stereotype of East-West marriages between a Caucasian man and an Asian woman.

In Asia many Western men are typically married to fun-loving Asian girls who enjoy a fast lifestyle. In Singapore and Malaysia, they describe them as SPGs (Sarong Party Girls), and many people judge them with unfair prejudice.

Most SPGs like to frequent nightclubs and other night spots popular with expat Westerners, with a view to escaping a relatively conservative, traditional mundane life. They enjoy going to expensive restaurants and like their cocktails and San Pellegrinos - but who doesn't?

In fact they are little different from your average ambitious women of any racial group looking for a rich boyfriend and some form of escapism. Unfortunately I have encountered several European women who believe all Asian women are SPGs, ready to snatch European men from their own female species. Well I suppose these Western women aren't entirely wrong; there are some Asian women who really fit the bill of archetypal SPGs!

Being married to a Western man, I often get suspicious looks from my fellow Chinese when I visit my hometown of Shanghai. I am sure there must be an equivalent term in Chinese for SPGs. I've resolved to visit the place on my own, as the treatment I receive there is quite different!

Many of my Thai girlfriends who are highly educated professionals and happen to be married to Western men also feel the same prejudice in Thailand. It is highly ridiculous to think all Asian women who prefer Western men are gold-digging, husband-grabbing, cold-blooded creatures. Why does our society have such an old-fashioned, unfair attitude towards women who are married to Caucasian men? Somehow Asian men don't suffer the same treatment when they marry Caucasian women. No one ever thinks Asian men could possibly marry for money or a passport, which is often the presumption with Asian women.

Nat says

 L et me make myself clear. I do not condone violence                                                                against women. It is reprehensible and totally unacceptable. Sometimes, however, I am sorely tempted. There is a type of woman who is just begging to get slapped and it is only with great effort I manage to restrain myself.

Am I prejudiced? Am I just plain bigoted? I don't know.

All I know is that there are women who sport deep, dark tans, bleach their hair, wear sarongs as a uniform and prey on hapless Caucasian men. These women make all Asian females look bad. We don't have a name for this breed of woman in Thailand but the Singaporeans call them SPGs - Sarong Party Girls.

I met an SPG at a pool party attended by many young children.

She had on stiletto-heeled clogs. Her hair was permed and teased into a porn-star 'do, and she was wearing a gypsy headscarf - you know, the ones with a fringe and coins embroidered on them - as a mini-sarong that couldn't have been more than six inches long and barely covered her you-know-what.

In front of the young children, the SPG began simulating oral sex as she blew up a swimming tube for her friend's son. This was all done amid peals of drunken (I assume) laughter. Although her hair colouring was excellently done (I'm afraid I'm the type of man who notices these things) - well streaked and not at all over-processed - I was appalled.

In the whispered words of another guest, "Everyone says she's high society but she looks like a hooker to me."

Now let me also say that I don't have anything against prostitutes. I realise that for some women, this is the only means they have to support themselves. They deserve sympathy and help.

"You are just wrong," said a woman friend to whom I told this horror story about gypsy sarongs and oral sex. "You make these judgements from a position of superiority and prudery. You're so la-de-da that you can say these things without having thought about it. You see a woman who has a choice to conform but prefers looking like what you consider to be a prostitute. You've made this snap judgement erroneously. Don't you realise that, for some girls, this is the only way to survive?"

I gave my friend a withering look. I had no idea that slutty clogs were a matter of life or death unless, of course, some silly woman wearing them at a pool twisted her ankle, fell in and drowned.

"Now you're being facetious," said my woman friend. She was clearly not about to let go. "Asian women in general, more than Western women, are still bound by ridiculous restrictions on our behaviour and appearance. If a girl celebrates and explores her sexuality she's a fallen woman. If she rejects repressive, controlling Asian men but finds herself accepted by Caucasians, she's preying on them. Some women will never be understood in Asian society because we expect too much from them. You," my friend said to me with a pointed stare, "need to grow up".

I felt compelled to point out that she hadn't yet bleached her hair and begun to behave like a vulgar trollop.

"Yes," she conceded, "but I want to have the choice. If I'm going to dress in revealing clothes and marry a man who appreciates me for who I am, I shouldn't be judged for it."

I suppose my woman friend has a point but, really, simulating oral sex in front of children? Ugh.

Want an opinion on something? Cat and Nat can be contacted at

NnaSWild@aol.com.