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Published on September 19, 2007

Although the players have changed - General Prem Tinsulanonda and Margaret Thatcher were then prime ministers - things have not changed much in Thailand.

The message then, as now, is that a long interval between coups gives a bad name to the country.

On the other hand, if it were to be an annual event, like the Carnival in Rio, both CNN and BBC World would instead give positive coverage to the country. The number of tourists would increase and the Tourism Authority of Thailand could organise special tours from abroad and hold mass weddings in front of the tanks with the coyote dancers who made their first appearance exactly a year ago in front of the miltary vehicles. In this way, everyone would make money and be happy.

I don't know why people looked so glum on Monday. I wouldn't have been like that at all; in fact I would have appeared on TV myself to deny that there had been any coup.

Well, all right! There was a sort of coup. But it was so minuscule.

By Monday afternoon, my little boy, who is nine, complained: "Is that all there is to it?" It summed up the 10-hour event in a nutshell.

The military manoeuvre did begin quite early in the morning this time, in order to beat the traffic jams - a lesson learnt from the fiasco three years ago when the April Fools Day coup got stuck and came to a standstill in the traffic. This time the same old coup leaders wanted to get it over with before the rush hour. They were determined not to get arrested between traffic lights, like last time.

Had they not failed for other reasons, they would have failed just the same because of the congestion. There is hardly any room left out there for motorbikes, let alone tanks.

Three cheers for the Bangkok traffic jam; we must preserve it, for it is our insurance against any future coup attempts. Down with the Leyland buses and the mass transit system.

Grown-ups were also disappointed by the event, although with a different standpoint from that of my son. There was a friend who kept grumbling something about this country going to the dogs, or something about it becoming just like Uganda. Then there were others who, in desperation, said that the coup, instead of affecting changes which many want to see, will now make this [Prem] government eternal.

The above complaint is probably unfair. I mean, no government (and to some extent parliament) in any country is popular. This is human nature.

Having said that, I must now qualify the statement by saying that, in spite of the general disenchantment, our prime minister (General Prem Tinsulanonda) is absolutely adored by people at large.

This is an undeniable fact and it makes our case an entirely different kettle of fish when compared to other countries. In England, for example, the prime minister (Mrs Margaret Thatcher) comes under constant attack.

If I may be side-tracked a little here, I have been wanting to say that what England really needs is a nice prime minister like ours, and what we need is a no-nonsense Victorian type of a school headmistress to rule the country - some one who would put the generals, like Galtieri [of Argentina], in their proper places. Yes, really, why don't we swap our prime ministers?

What follows now is possibly pure self-consolation. You see, I like to compare our political unrest with other countries. In our case, tanks may rumble through the streets for public viewing and might take a pot shot or two, causing unintentional casualties. But every effort would be made to ensure that the prime minister is not in any way harmed. The situation is reciprocal: the same precaution would be made to ensure the safety of rebel leaders who, failing in their enterprise, would be given a safe passage out of the country - for a while that is.

What a politeness compared with the goings-on in other countries, including in the West, where people shoot or bomb prime ministers.

The only thing I can never find consolation in is the outdated martial music they keep playing every time, and on both sides of the conflict at that. The records, by now wobbly and full of scratches, should be in the museum or, better still, thrown away, since the music is of the Thai Fascist vintage and therefore in the worst of taste. Last Monday it should have been Beethoven's Emperor Concerto in the morning (you know, Napoleon and all that), and Wagner's Overture to Tannhauser in the early afternoon, as a prelude to some imaginary solution.

Oh well. They will never appreciate good music.

I wrote this article, however, because of my little boy's wise remark.

Here, I am afraid, I have to side-track again. When Venice was founded on the mudflats (like Bangkok) some twelve centuries ago, there was feuding between its lagoon colonies. Eventually two main rival groups divided by the Grand Canal stayed to fight it out to the bitter end, until the canals ran red with blood. Happily after 1292 the hostilities became a harmless annual event of mock combat on bridges without parapet - known as the "Fist Fight".

What I am trying to propose here is that we should have a coup once a year - at the National Stadium. There the government would come under fire (with blanks) from tanks and machine guns, and children could take sides and cheer to their hearts' content.

I know that my son would love it. And instead of coups being bad for business and tourism, they would promote both.

Sumet Jumsai