Run Away

You want to look at him, yet you're not sure if you should. You want to avoid him, but at the same time, you can't stop wondering about him.

You want to know more, find out how he feels and before you know it, you're sitting with Mr Ex, reminiscing about the past and wondering at which point your relationship went wrong.

Before you know it, you wish you could stop time and continue sitting there with him for the rest of your life.

Jayz was my first real boyfriend. My first "love", if you will.

I was young. We were together for a looong time. So long, in fact, that when people saw one of us without the other, they would think the other had died.

He was that guy I would fight with my daddy about, screaming "But I love him!!!"

At such a young age, I was convinced I would marry him. We had even named our kids - we were going to have four.

Then, at one point, he broke up with me because of some rumours people were spreading. They weren't true, of course, so it was a pretty stupid reason for a break-up, but whatever.

We split up and I moved to Thailand. I hadn't seen him since.

Now, four years later, I find myself sitting with Jayz, laughing about the past, discussing how much we've changed.

For the record, he hasn't really changed much. He still manages to make my heart melt when he sings.

He is still as tall as I remember him; my ear touches his chest when we hug. He still smiles the same way when he looks at me.

He is still trying to convince me to stop smoking, though we both know that won't happen in a hurry. He still looks the same, except his hair looks better now.

And just for the record, he still kisses in the same way…

For a night, I felt like I was fourteen again. And it felt good.

Nothing else mattered. For one night.

Jayz.

I'm still going to name one of my kids Alexis, just as we had planned.

And at his wedding, I'll whisper in his ear, "You know, that could have been us."

By Wonderwoman