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Published on August 18, 2007

It's a splendid occasion for all kids to reflect upon the immense gratitude that they ought to hold for their mothers, regardless of whether their mums have done little for them besides giving birth and stuffing a milk bottle in their mouths shortly thereafter.

The majority of mothers, of course, deserve immense credit for their enduring sense of responsibility for their offspring, and are well worthy of the unconditional love they receive. On the other hand, there are plenty who do not deserve either. But never mind, the kids are nonetheless taught that no matter how irresponsible their mothers are, they must nonetheless be shown the utmost gratitude.

Just before the joyous mood of Mother's Day captured the country's attention, I came across a few horrifying Thai language news reports of some quite hideous mums, none of whom was mentioned during Mother's Day festivities. One such mum plotted with her daughter and son-in-law to knock off the latter's father in the hopes of sharing in the expected insurance windfall. That tale of motherly involvement in family affairs was complemented by another horrid tale of a mother recently found guilty of arranging for the repeated seduction of her 12-year-old daughter at the hands of the mother's new boyfriends.

For most kids Mother's Day was, as usual, a chance to weep on their mum's shoulder and contemplate the benevolent deeds they have done for them. For a lot of kids, however, it was a tearful time during which they were forced to ponder a different reality: one in which they have seldom seen their real mums since after being dumped off with granny at the tender age of two-and-a-half months. Not once, during Mother's Day festivities on television, did I read about the forgotten plight of children abandoned by mothers who had gone to the big city with frivolous promises of sending back big wads of cash. Yet, many of these cheerless kids will be brought up to believe, "But your mother has always loved you."

Many underprivileged kids are brought up being taught that it was daddy who was the bad guy and that his irresponsibility led to their predicament, when in reality the fault lies with both parents - dad getting the thicker end of the stick.

Now, every child has the right to go to school, but unfortunately theory isn't always put into practice. The idea of using one's offspring as a tool to make money, however, is. While some supposedly beloved female offspring ought to be in school trying to complete their sixth-grade education, mum has instead insisted that she be on the streets at the stroke of midnight, peddling religious garlands to locals or knocking off packs of chewing gum to wealthy tourists.

Child labour is a serious problem and one that we are constantly told is due to poverty, but certainly this is not always the case. Let's have a look at the case of Miss Kat, another hard-working primary schoolgirl living in a provincial town. In order to help "pay for her education", she has been instructed by mum to wash dishes at some round-the-clock rice soup restaurant.

After handing over her monthly salary however, she is soon completely bewildered to see her mother clutching a dozen lottery tickets while eagerly scanning through a newspaper cut-out in the hopes that she has miraculously won millions. The next day, instead of Miss Kat having enough cash left over for her school bus fare and lunch, she is stuck at home watching first-hand as her mother - in the living room with the door bolted - gambles the rest of her earnings away on a Hi-Lo card game with the neighbours.

Even when their children have grown up, there are still countless mothers out there who see their kids - especially their daughters - as walking ATM machines. Playing on the hype of the "krieng jai mae" (having and showing innate gratitude for one's mother) custom, the children are helpless but to earn cash for their mums regardless of what type of employment they are subject to. Some daughters, put off by the prospect of indentured servitude for the betterment of their mothers' living room decor, simply sneak away instead. According to popular belief, that kind of woman is an appalling daughter who has no consideration for mum. Needless to say, it is an endless cycle of "children = moneymaking tool", which is passed down from one generation to the next.

This kind of mentality is not just prevalent among poor rural or urban folk; it is also embedded in a different sort of way in the psyches of some wealthier hi-so folk. Another Miss Kat, this one fortunate enough to have been raised in more privileged circumstances, can expect to have her mother dictate which future university she will attend, what career she will take and even who she will marry. Should she care to air any of her own views, she will be on the receiving end of a scolding and informed that it is shameful to argue with the person who gave birth to her - she ought to realise what an agonising time that was for mother. Oh no, it's the "krieng jai mae" sketch all over again!

Then we have another batch of privileged kids whose mothers have spoiled them so completely going up that they believe themselves to be members of the distinguished few who can get away with absolutely any kind of brutish behaviour. Even if they are an utter nuisance to the rest of society, well never mind, their beloved mothers have taught them that they are "innately special" and thus entitled to a higher level of consideration, especially in comparison to any lower-class loser.

We have read countless reports of spoilt brats in the papers, who after getting themselves caught in serious trouble, are next pleading innocence in front of the camera while holding mummy's hand. Even if the child is a female university attendee who has been filmed red-handed, drugged-up and indulging in sordid debauchery at some university gathering - well again, her mother will be jumping in with a flimsy defence that more often than not involves putting the blame on anyone other than her irresponsible self and her delinquent child.

This can go to extremes. When a child clumsily hurts himself while, say, attempting to hurdle a chair, it is not uncommon for a mother to rush to the scene and, rather than blame the child, knock the naughty piece of furniture with her knuckles and say "Very bad chair!" As you can well imagine, that is not exactly the kind of custom that leads to children becoming healthy members of society in later years.

Stephen Cleary

The Nation

SUPHAN BURI

Stephen Cleary is the co-founder of www.thai-blogs.com.