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Published on August 4, 2007

Today, however, I'd like to touch on a little-discussed subject and discuss how men are also having a hard time in modern-day Thailand.

Turn on any family-friendly TV soap opera and along with witnessing a glamorous girl getting a bashing from her drunkard of a stepfather, you may also witness some guy getting the business end of a sharpened high-heel shoe around the back of the head by a jealous admirer. The difference though is that the latter is often viewed as deserving the bashing, quite simply because he is a man.

Just how many of us, male and female alike, have been guilty of automatically judging the man as the "bad guy" after his female dining partner dumps a glass of wine over his head? The same goes for when a hot-tempered woman gives a guy a slap in the face: we don't see any onlookers pouncing to defend the man, do we?

Just how many stories do we hear of women pressing charges against some brazen stranger who decided upon seeing her to do more with his hands than just wave? As for the menfolk though, they can be subjected to a pack of molesting ladies of the evening on a Sukhumvit Road street corner and nobody would give a darn. Should any fellow accosted in such a manner go to a police box to file a complaint for "unsolicited intimate fondling", he'd be met with belly laughs and perhaps some advice along the lines of "You're a man! What are you moaning about? You ought to think yourself lucky!"

A police-officer buddy of mine recently admitted that the law is indeed often unfair to men. Just as the Culture Ministry shows a bias against women, so too do the Thai police tend to favour the ladies. Take the traffic checkpoints around the country where law enforcers are out to clamp down on bikers without helmets on. Look carefully and you may be astonished at how many more men are pulled over and made to pay a fine compared to the well-groomed women who are allowed to sail by!

Back to the world of soap operas, you don't need a degree in psychology to conclude that these shows perhaps have a slightly adverse effect on the mentality of everyday people. One of the top comebacks that the disgruntled heroines of Thai soaps love to spit out at their boyfriend or husband who has done something or other that she judges irredeemably awful is: "You don't know the meaning of the word 'responsibility'!" That phrase has made its way from the soaps to real life to such an extent that I'm sure many male readers here, upon returning home after a few beverages of the alcoholic variety, have found themselves on the receiving end of a similar scolding. The use of the word "responsibility" in Thai society is interesting in itself - it seems that working men have to be responsible for nearly everything, and certainly in terms of finances.

A commonly rehashed plot in television dramas is the story of an impoverished but delightfully attractive young woman who eventually winds up married to a super wealthy gentleman who carts her around in a groovy spanking new Mercedes Benz. Everybody applauds and there's hope in life after all. Very seldom do we see that story told the other way round and that is because it is quite unacceptable in modern-day Thai society for a woman to be seen as keeping house with a "fancy man". In fact, any destitute guy who has an eye out for older well-heeled women will be seen as a complete sponger.

In the interest of ensuring equality for women and men alike, it is time for men to stand together and request the abolishment of some accepted customs, such as boyfriends/fiancés having to pay for everything, and definitely the age-old tradition of having to cough up a dowry. Now, some women might scream aloud at such a deplorable idea being floated by the "farang visitor", and would advise that this is a custom deeply embedded in Thai culture. Well, all well and good, but in that case, let us not be selective, and let's encourage adherence to all traditions and suggest that while showering money on his beloved, the man be accorded the right to take on a couple of mistresses at the same time.

If they think back on their dating years, how many guys could recall meeting younger women who accepted the offer of a date, telling them they didn't have a boyfriend when they actually did?

This can occasionally turn into a case of exploitation when the guy unknowingly invites the "single" lady out for dinner and a dance, of course paying for absolutely everything in accordance with the custom. The poor guy is unknowingly at risk if her beloved actual boyfriend finds out about the rendezvous and advances on her would-be suitor with fists at the ready. Again, should he find himself on the receiving end of a beating and report the matter to law-enforcement, he may well be advised that it was unwise of him to have been messing about with an unavailable woman in the first place. If, by some unfortunate stroke of luck, the sociable lassie is actually legally married, then our hero might find himself seriously depleted of an extortionate amount of cash.

Locals are not the only ones who fall prey to the wiles of the odd deceitful lady, and I dare not imagine just how many foreign guys have fallen victim to even more costly relationship rip-offs. After "sponsoring" his darling and her family for a year or so before finding out she is already married or otherwise not letting him in on the full story, he stands no chance of retrieving any of his hard-earned cash back. The police and the village headman of the small town where she lives would, with grins on their faces, only advise him to "be a little more careful and choosy the next time round".

We all rightly cheer on the women's movement in Thailand and wish them the best in overcoming the old obstacles keeping them a few steps down the ladder. That said, perhaps it is time that the disabused gentlemen of the land - financially tired, suspect in the eyes of the law and put in utter peril by the nation's soaps - also be given a voice, however quickly it gets shouted down.

Stephen Cleary

The Nation

Suphan Buri

Stephen Cleary is the co-founder of www.thai-blogs.com