The ugly truth behind beauty pageants

What we can say is that if Contestant No 34, Khingkan Surungsuriyakul, didn't win, she needn't fret about it because she can always get a job as a gossip columnist - one of the professional-sniper variety of gossip columnists.

It's generally acceptable these days for beauty queens to be something other than sweet, but Khingkan was stretching tolerance a little with her scattergun jibes at her co-contenders for the crown.

She only had a week in Trang with the other girls ahead of the pageant finals, and still managed to come up with the following nicknames:

Diplomatically, she began with herself - Nang Tas, meaning Slave Girl, because she thinks that's what her face looks like.

Contestant 38, Patcharada "Kwang" Musikapodok, was renamed by Khingkan "Jinglane Pee", meaning Ghostly Reptile, because she's fair-skinned and thin.

No 26, Nattavanee "Cherry" Rattananaithun, became Dek Clone - Girl in Mud - thanks to her slim shape, large eyes and, yes, dark brown skin.

Buachompoo "Sai" Varee, No 42, was Noo Ling, the Monkey Kid, because she's so gregarious.

No 36 Watcharawan "Ploy" Suntarintu was Na Paan, or Flat Face, because Khingkan thought her visage was stretched, with a button nose.

No 30 Suteera "Kay" Pumali got to be Na Diew, or One Face, because she allegedly has only one facial expression.

Contestant 29, Premika "Nan" Sotomkrengkrai, was renamed Jingjok Puek, meaning White Gecko, for her fair features.

And No 35, Tur "Yam" Saengbun, was Tap Tao, same as the decorative plant, supposedly because she looks like a, er, decorative plant.

Just a few snide jests among friends, of course, but they could give ideas to others who see the girls without their makeup. Khingkan even warned that the potential for outside abuse was there when the contestants were only getting three or four hours' sleep a night.

"We're beautiful with the makeup, but when we take it off we all look like zombies!" she said.

Somebody chain that Slave Girl up.