Not only that, the people who wanted to remove the guy who abused democracy now appear to be teaming up with the very supporters who believed he hadn't abused democracy in the first place so they can unite to get rid of the people who have already promised democratic elections.

If there's an Irish component to all this, I shall probably retire.

And if these disparate groups do merge, this triumphant political alchemy will produce The Taxi Drivers September Alliance for 19 White Doves, The Saturday Network Against Poor Urban Lovers Live on Radio FM 92.75, and The Friendly Revolutionary Voices for Citizens with Red Domes - who will all be co-ordinated by the PTV's Celebrity Senators Charter Group.

 And if you don't like any of them, hard luck, because it's going to take one hell of a skiing accident to allow anyone else to reach the loudhailer in time to campaign.

 An election will be held in December. There will no doubt be a slight delay, so it will actually be held on Christmas Day, featuring 219 political parties that will be awash with voting cartels and carve-ups, and about as close to a free exercise in democracy as a general election in Zimbabwe.

 Happy New Year, in advance.

***

Quote of the week must go to charter drafter, Sriracha Charoenpanich, who claimed that providing free education to Thai children until the age of 12 "was too costly" and should be "scrapped from the new constitution", while someone whacked a wooden ruler across the back of his legs.

 If he thinks education is expensive, he should try ignorance.

***

Concerned about the state of the Kingdom?

Relax. According to one report, almost one in 10 members of the Italian parliament is either on trial, awaiting an appeal, or has a conviction, just 10 years after the political classes were supposedly "purged" by anti-corruption prosecutors.

 Italy is also served by 25 MPs who have criminal convictions, the highest number ever recorded. Italians believe that most of the people involved in running the state are furbi, or cunning, and politicians are sometimes described as diversamente onesti, or "differently honest".

We have much to learn from the Italians. Or is it the other way around?

Either way, Italy is the only other country I could live in.

***

Charles Henn, the owner of the marvellously bizarre Atlanta Hotel on Sukhumvit Soi 2, was recently interviewed by Martha Ann Overland (a great name for a travel writer).

With his impeccable Oxbridge accent, honed during his years at both universities, he told her: "Getting a room here is like getting into a club. You have to be the right kind of person."

He also has no qualms about asking "unsuitable" guests to leave.

"I am absolutely indifferent," says Henn. "If anyone comes in and complains, I throw them out. In fact, it gives me more pleasure to throw people out than to welcome them."

You must check this hotel out. Not only is it utterly original - and very beautiful in a timeless art deco kind of way - you may even get the chance of being thrown out without knowing why. 

What a treat.

***

People all over the planet have been making "ahhhhh..." noises over Knut, the three- month old baby polar bear. He is being hand reared at Berlin Zoo after he was rejected by his mother, a former circus bear. A prominent German animal activist said Knut should be put down (presumably with a petrol loaded flammenwuffer) as he will be raised by humans and "..zis vill be unnatural".

Unnatural? He was born in a zoo to a circus bear, so natural was never really an option for Knut was it? Even so, some animal activists are still insisting that although Knut is perfectly happy now, "Ve should exterminate him in case he iz not 'appy later."

***

Ridiculous rules you never knew you'd broken: it is still illegal for a London cabbie to transport a corpse. Ditto rabid dogs (so that's Saturday night ruined).

Meanwhile, a "Coalition Forces Night" is being held this weekend at the Spitting Barfly Tavern in Southeast London, featuring three bands.

Shock and Awe

Hearts and Minds

Cut and Run

***

Cheek-kissing protocol remains something of a mystery: the Thais don't do it all, the Americans do it once, the Europeans twice, the Russians as many times as they can, and the Brazilians as many times as you let them.

***

A Saturday "brain teaser" in The Times (London) asked:

"Why do Chinese men eat more rice than Japanese men?"

A reader replied: "I imagine it's because, unlike rice, Japanese men are rarely on the menu."

***

It's Songkran soon, but ever since I caught up with history, April 14 has always had a different kind of carnage associated with the date.

On April 14, 1945 on Germany's eastern border with Russia, the 1st Belorussian Front had a stockpile of over seven million shells. At 3am they unleashed a barrage that amounted to 1,236,000 rounds on the first day. Berlin residents 60 km away thought there had been an earthquake. Many of the troops facing the Russian onslaught were so young "they were given sweets rather than rations".

 Stalin saw the capture of Berlin as the Soviet Union's rightful reward, but the yield was disappointing and the waste terrible.

A key target was the Reichsbank in Berlin. General Serov accounted for 2,289 kilos gold, 12 tonnes of silver coins and millions in banknotes from countries occupied by the Axis. Uncle Joe must have choked on his vodka when he realised that the "vast bulk" of Nazi gold had already been moved westward.

 Serov, however, was later accused of having also held back a certain proportion of the proceeds for "operational expenses" for the viciously cruel NKVD's (People's Commissariat of Internal Affairs).

 Drive safely.

Compiled By Roger Beaumont