More young in Singapore couples are getting divorced, but it's not all bride and gloom. Unlike the old days when splitsville was something society frowned upon, increasingly more divorced people are happily finding new partners and saying "I do" a second time around.

From celebrities like former MTV host Nadya Hutagalung, 32, who made headlines recently with news that wedding bells were ringing for her once more, to ordinary folk emerging from wrecked relationships, Cupid is still shooting those arrows.

That's according to checks with social workers and matchmakers who say more divorced people are getting a second shot at love and marriage - some even before they turn 35.

At Singaporean dating agency Drinks At Eight, a quarter of the clients are divorced men and women looking to take another stab at dating and eventually, marriage, says managing director Sue Yeo.

"Marriage is definitely one of the motivations. In fact, they are not deterred by their past experience and look forward to a second chance. The fact that they come to us shows that they are hopeful for a positive outcome," she says.

For better or for worse, the humiliating stigma attached to divorce is losing its force here and across other modern Asian societies, where a broken marriage was once viewed as a sign of failure and weakness.

In Singapore, divorce rates are at a record high, trebling from 2,344 in 1985 to 6,909 last year, with young couples aged between 20 and 24 registering the highest rate.

But remarriages are on the upswing. Under Singapore's Women's Charter, 15.2 per cent of grooms and 13 per cent of brides, out of a total of about 19,000 marriages last year, had been married before.

This compares to 4.3 per cent of grooms and 2.8 per cent of brides, out of about 18,000 marriages, in 1985. The trend is reflected under the Muslim Law Act.

But Singapore's divorce rates are still lower than in other developed Asian countries like Japan and Taiwan.

That's because in Taiwan, for instance, women have been known to consider chalking up two marriages as road tests for their final nuptials. In Tokyo, there are reportedly divorce schools to learn ways to leave your lover.

And while women were usually the victims of unhappy marriages in the past - less educated and financially dependent on their men - the new breed of savvy, working women are capable of surviving as singles.

With divorce becoming more of a mark of choice rather than abandonment, marrying a divorcee is also less of a taboo practice, note social observers.

Additionally, having children in tow, as in the case of mother-of-two Hutagalung, is increasingly less of an obstacle to the path of new love.

The result is a new, blended family, which is good news for pro-family community leaders.

Over at the Asian Women's Welfare Association, 10 out of 12 couples in a support group for remarried couples are below or slightly above the age of 30, says counsellor Saiful Hisham Sidek. Which means they still have some childbearing years left.

The benefits of remarrying include renewed companionship and providing a missing parental figure to an incomplete family unit, says Benny Bong, FamilyWorks relationship counsellor.

Remarrying young, say before 35, also gives the new couple an early headstart, compared to those who have to re-find their feet in their 40s and 50s.

But practical reasons also weigh heavily, says Saiful.

"Peculiar to the Singapore context are also couples who remarry for economic reasons."

Two incomes are always better than one. And there's the matter of where to stay as housing policies usually dictate that one must be married to buy a flat, adds the counsellor.

The flip side to the trend is that divorcees may rush into a remarriage simply to fight insecurity or loneliness.

This is a rash move, says Bong. How long a divorcee should wait before getting back into the dating scene depends on how difficult the divorce was and how long the healing process would take.

Still, society watchers worry that the ease with which people glide from marriage to divorce and vice-versa signals an erosion of critical social mores like honour and commitment.

Professor Lee Chun Wah, who has written on culture at Nanyang Technological University, says: "We live in a fast-paced, digital world. People somehow have the idea that if things don't work out, they can just break up."

But National University of Singapore sociologist Stella Quah argues: "Most people facing marital breakdown do not reject marriage per se. Their problem was with their marriage partner, not with the idea of marriage."

Sandra Leong

The Straits Times/

Asia News Network