That "Vi" who wrote to you last week is annoying, self-centred and downright stupid. And the assumptions she makes about people are so condescending that I wonder if she really has any Thai friends.

Vi apparently assumes that anyone who doesn't have a nine-to-five job is so rich that they don't need a job. Thus her friend's sister, who buys condos, fixes them up and then sells them at a profit, must have lots of money and free time.

Honey, fixing up condos and selling them is her job. That's what she does.

Vi wants everyone to feel sorry for her and give her things for nothing, or for next to nothing because she doesn't earn very much. Thus, her friend should help her because she's poor, and her friend's sister should let her pay peanuts for one of her upmarket condos.

Vi is such a loser!

I guess I'm annoyed because I have to deal with people just like Vi. I work for a company that produces expensive furniture, and I can't tell you the number of "friends" who've asked me for free samples. They don't want to pay anything. They need to learn that in this life, you can't get something for nothing.

Vi should stop expecting people to give her a free ride. Didn't her parents ever teach her to pay her own way?

Bud

Dear Bud,

Perhaps, in your situation, you might start using the answer the sister of Vi's friend gave: "I'll think about it" or even "I'll check" without giving any other response. Freeloaders are not worth much stress and unhappiness.

Dear Khun Melanee,

I want to comment on Vi's problem. I understand her very well. She desires to possess what others have.

She needs to realise that in this world, peace doesn't come from what you own or what people give you, but from yourself. My family and I learned this lesson the hard way.

A few years ago, a fire suddenly burned our house to the ground. In a few short hours, all that we owned was gone forever.

At least my wife and two children weren't harmed. We didn't have any relatives, just ourselves, so we worried about where we could sleep. It was a Saturday evening, very difficult, especially since all our documents were destroyed in the fire.

Then, suddenly, a colleague from work showed up. He had just heard on the radio about us and he came to offer us a vacant house his family owned. He let us stay there for nearly six months, until we could find our own place.

In the office, this man and I always quarrelled. We didn't agree about the work, and we didn't like each other, but when my family and I were suffering, he didn't think about all those bad feelings. He helped us.

I think Vi doesn't know very much about relationships or friendship.

She thinks help should come to you whether you need it or not.

If she looks around, she'll find that either she doesn't need it - or it has already come to her, but she hasn't recognised it yet.

Prasit

Dear Khun Prasit,

Thank you for your wonderful story. Sometimes, the people we think we know can surprise us by their generosity and compassion.

Dear Khun Melanee,

Please help. I thought that my next-door neighbour was very nice.

He was very fat, and his skin was always bad, but he always smiled in a friendly manner when we met while we were waiting for the lift.

Then, I guess, he started exercising and changing his eating habits.

In a few months, he lost weight and his skin began to look good.

Now, when we meet at the lift, he says strange things to me. He tells me that I look beautiful and says other personal things that he never did before.

I already have a boyfriend, and this man's remarks make me uncomfortable. Can you give me some advice about how to handle this problem?

Little

Dear Little,

It may be possible that your neighbour was self-conscious and shy when he was overweight. Now that he has changed his appearance, he may not yet know how to talk to girls.

Relax. You don't have to say anything to him. If his remarks get worse, just ask him how his mother is doing.

Problems that Melanee can advise you on? Fax (02) 751 4446, or e-mail her at: melaneepetra@hotmail.com 

By Melanee petra