A vacuum feeds on assumptions, rumours, unconfirmed reports, unnamed sources and absolute nonsense. You have to gulp once and think twice about what passes as reality. Take Pojaman Shinawatra's 15-minute meeting with Prem Tinsulanonda. Let's call it a social call with feminine persuasive undertones. How was London? Oh, you know, bought out half of Harrod's before lunch. A lite jewellery splurge before dinner at The Ivy. Nothing much. How are you?

But 129 unconfirmed sources listening at the keyhole, hiding behind the curtain and pretending to mow the lawn outside the window had their own take on what was discussed - or what wasn't. Some say the visit made a virtue of hypocrisy. Others say it was naive of Prem. Maybe. It could also be viewed as very Thai. A social call to mend fences. To wai and behold. And if you're really cynical, perhaps the offer of a few million here and there for the favourite charities of the elite … and voila. Such are the punishments for the well connected.

But if it was a case of "nice try but no cigar, madam khunying", maybe Thaksin could stand for mayor of London. He could be quite appealing to the electorate over there given his propensity for avoiding tax rather than paying it.

But he'd better lighten up a bit. Humour is the only subject taken seriously in Britain.

***

At the beginning of last week the interim government was being accused of too much gong and not enough echo. Prosecutions have been conspicuous by their complete absence. Everything appeared to be drifting with the drift. What's more, ex-MPs from the great Thai Rak Thai lie machine chuntered into action, still arguing that they are good for the country in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, as if reading out tractor-production statistics on some communist radio station.

By the end of the week it was a story of things progressing reasonably despite, rather than because of, politics. As Suthichai Yoon perceptively pointed out in his recent column, many of the previous administration's shenanigans may have just been on the corporate lawyers' side of legal (at Bt37,000 an hour) but were completely unethical.

And yet there appears no demand for a change of ethics, just a huge demand for the explanation that no one's demanding it.

Meanwhile, educated, well-heeled liberals were still hooting as though the military had driven over their daughters and vaporised their pets. Then we had the taxi-driver's suicide. A colleague at work even suggested that his death by hanging put him on par with the guy who stood in front of the column of Chinese tanks in Tian'anmen Square. I bit my lip and said nothing. For what it's worth, I don't think the taxi-driver's desperate action was about the loss of democracy but the loss of protection. That's what he believed Thaksin offered him.

I still maintain that the promises Thaksin made to his Praetorian Guard of cronies were more important than those he ever made to the people of Thailand. But those who view Thaksin's regime as a sham of democracy can take hope. Jaruvan of Arc is now bringing her siege engines into position. Unfurl the flags. Unleash the doberdingoes. Heineken and coyote girls are available behind the … oh, wait a moment.

***

Body counts have risen dramatically in the Rambo series, from a miserly one in the 1982 original to well over 100 blown away in Rambo III's shootfest in Afghanistan. However, Wanasiri Morakul, director of the Thailand Film Office, has wagged a finger at the bare-chested psychotic Vietnam War veteran played by Sylvester Stallone over the upcoming "Rambo IV: In the Serpent's Eye", to be filmed in Thailand.

"We have warned them that any violence has to be reasonable, because we care about young people," he said.

What on earth does he think Stallone is making? "Bambi Goes to Burma"?

***

Money values: it sounds better in baht.

Russia now has 88,000 dollar millionaires, dripping in kitsch and blingski, while a history professor at Moscow University takes home just under Bt4,000 a month. To be driven from Kabul to Kandahar will cost you Bt45,000, while a one-way taxi ride from Baghdad International Airport to the Green Zone has risen to Bt80,000 (armed escort still highly recommended).

Meanwhile, the Football Association in London is still paying ex-England football manager Sven-Goran Eriksson Bt904,273 a day for doing precisely sod all - under the terms of his agreement.

But top baht goes to Peter Odili (Rastus Odinga to his goons), who is the governor of Rivers state in the impoverished, violence-strewn Niger Delta, where most of Nigeria's oil is found. Already the owner of two private jets, he has just awarded himself a travel allowance of Bt2.2 million a day.

***

Quotables:

Asked what keeps him young, 71-year-old English cartoonist, Michael Heath said: "Alimony keeps me young. Alcohol and being suicidal seem to be invigorating. Crying at night before one goes to sleep is good for the skin, but you can't bottle it."

"Victoria Beckham now regards herself as a style guru, an Audrey Hepburn of the age, whereas all we can see is an over-accessorised, suburban mall rat, complete with lollipop head and an odd body that resembles two muffins nailed to an ironing board." Jan Moir, Daily Telegraph.

"Unexploded Duchess Found at Palace". The UK's Daily Star.

"Dear Mr Wrap, I have just received an e-mail from an airline enticing me to 'earn a massive 34,434 miles - enough for a free flight to China'. I can't help thinking there must be a more direct route." J Tilletson, Bang Na.

***

Lured by incredible demand throughout East Asia - not to mention the gobsmacking profit - Japanese fishermen have teamed up with Japan's notorious yakuza gangsters to poach those frankly disgusting warty sea slugs, which are now selling for a cool Bt23,000 a kilo. When alarmed by predators, they react by "firing sticky threads and then by vomiting their internal organs", which later regrow.

As if that wasn't enough, they breathe through their anuses.

Thanks, but I'll just make do with the salad.

Compiled by Roger Beaumont