And come to think of it, this might be worth blowing tens of billions of baht from my life savings. I mean, look at how my story has shaken and reshaped world opinion. It has united some of those who supported and dreaded the Iraq War, those who condemned and sympathised with the September 11 terrorists and those who understood the rationale behind the Hiroshima bombing and those who never got it.

Yes, I'm talking about my ouster through the use of military force, even if it was bloodless. Some call it the world's most divisive issue, but I think otherwise. I know people who hate America to its bones who are now toeing Uncle Sam's line on me, word-for-word. I know people who have always fought to uphold the voice of the minority and defend "desperate measures" who are now repeating themselves like a broken record: "Majority rules. Period."

And there are people who felt America deserved it when those planes rammed into the World Trade Centre buildings or who argued for hostage-taking terrorists with "They had no other choice." Now they are advocates of political decency and standard rules of the game.

I'm a cheat, all right. But look at how the world's leaders and NGOs are lining up to defend me. It's become the planet's hottest trend at the moment. What can I say? Even Singapore is lecturing Thailand on democracy. In fact, everyone is lecturing everyone on democracy.

It's fun to see ideologies and senses of justice going haywire - all because of a man who has been accused of being one of his country's shrewdest crooks. And nothing pleases me more than when people use the term "equality" to decry my downfall. Equality. They've got to be kidding.

I'm not sure about England or America, but in my country people go to jail for stealing a wallet. You steal, and you go to jail. No questions asked. Case closed. As for me, not only were they unable even to put me on trial, but also the whole world is crying for me now that I have been punished, albeit in an eye-for-and-eye manner. So much for "Equality", eh?

Now, take the Iraq War. Critics of the coup and street protests are saying things like an "educated" or "elitist" few is trying to impose its views on the poor majority. Coming from the West this is priceless. Let me ask you one question: if every country had been allowed to vote to decide on whether the US should invade Iraq, and each vote counted equally, would there have been the war in Iraq?

And to stretch the issue a bit, why do we need the "Perm Five" at the United Nations? Why can't we have a one-country-one-vote system to solve world conflicts? Or, to go to the extreme, why can't we grant all fellow human beings one equal vote each to decide world issues? You scoffed at me when I didn't give a damn about the UN, and now you know.

It feels so nice to send people scrambling to recheck their principles, making them confused as hell in the process. There are people who condemned me for alleged extra-judicial killings. Some of those same people are now moaning over my political demise. What is that supposed to mean? Does it mean my survival is more important than the fact that I might have launched similar crackdowns in the future? Does it mean they now accept that as long as I have a popular mandate, I can order police to shoot drug suspects at will?

Do you see ironies and paradoxes here? My police allegedly killed drug suspects without bothering to find evidence. Now I'm being defended on the grounds that the military didn't have proof of corruption before ousting me. I'm thankful for that, but find it hilarious all the same.

When it comes to me, people are demanding to see all kinds of evidence. This is amazing. Show me the evidence of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think you need more proof before firing missiles into a country than when you plot a bloodless military coup. Again, my big gratitude. Again, I can't help laughing.

I'm saving my biggest thanks for those who think I'm a fraud, but who weep for the way I was removed from power. Despite my wholehearted appreciation, I still don't get it. Are they saying elections can whitewash me? Or only polls can bring me to justice? A cheat is a cheat. Period. And I'll tell you a little secret: good liars can win at the ballot boxes ten times in a row.

I have spun it into a case of a "Blow to Thai democracy" and never thought it would work this nicely. Everyone has taken the bait, including - here's the best part - those who once called me the world's best spin-doctor.

I'm feeling like God at the moment, and I can keep going all day. Now you must feel like defending me too, huh. Sure you can, but stay in line.

Tulsathit Taptim