I go to this pub near my flat. It's clean, and the girls are friendly and good for a few laughs. I don't fool around. I've been married for three years, and now she wants to start a family, which is just fine with me. I like kids. I've got a son and daughter from my previous marriage, and when they were small, it was the best time of my life.

Here's the problem. One of the girls in the bar is really attractive, but she always looks glum. Then one of the other girls told me that she never smiles because she's ashamed of her teeth. She lost a few of them when her boyfriend beat her up.

I felt really bad for her. Here I am, making a decent salary at a job I love, and here she is, not even able to afford dental work. So I slipped her an envelope with enough money to cover what she needed.

Then she disappeared, and my drinking buddies had a field day with me. They thought I got taken, but I didn't care. At least I tried to help.

So one night, she came back to the bar. The minute she saw me, she burst into the brightest smile in the world, with the most beautiful set of choppers I've ever seen. I haven't seen her since. I hear she's gone back to school to get her diploma. She's trying to make something of herself.

The thing made me so happy that I went home and told my wife about it. I thought she'd enjoy hearing about the girl.

Well, she hit the roof. She screamed a lot about giving money away to strangers and how can I support a family if I'm going to throw my money away and should I have a family anyway if I'm going to have affairs with bar girls.

Now we're into the silent treatment. She won't talk to me, but she sighs a lot.

How can something that brought another person so much happiness be so wrong? I've never cheated on my wife, and I haven't given away our last baht. I don't think I've done anything wrong. Why can't she see it my way?

Mac

Dear Khun Mac,

You sound like a compassionate man with a lot of love in your heart - and not too much common sense.

Of course, your wife is upset about the gift you gave to a bar girl. She most probably understands that you aren't involved with the girl, but the thought of you giving another woman so much money is sending out warning signals.

She doesn't see the girl's mended mouth; she sees competition for your attention.

I'll bet you didn't even let your wife know what you'd done until the night that the girl returned to thank you. How shocked and surprised your wife must have felt!

I have two pieces of advice for you.

First, the words "I'm sorry" never hurt a situation, as in "I'm sorry I didn't let you know what I did" and "I'm sorry you're upset."

Second, when giving a large amount of money to a woman who isn't your wife, tell the woman who is your wife what you're going to do - before you do it. Don't make her feel like she's an outsider in your life.

Dear Khun Melanee,

I want to thank GS for the good advice last week. He (or she) is absolutely correct! When you're in a crowd, it's very important to pay attention to what's going on around you.

I'd just like to add another point. I can't tell you how many friends have lost their wallets or purses, which they were keeping in those bags you can strap on your back.

You might think you'll feel someone dipping into a pocket in the bag, but you don't. One friend I know was so confident he would know what was happening behind him that he never even zipped the pocket. He just left it open, and anyone could see his wallet inside.

He felt really silly when the wallet went missing!

Kay

Dear Khun Kay,

I've never used those bags myself, feeling that I can quickly lose what I can't see. Kids love those bags, though. I hope parents and teachers have mentioned how easy those bags are to be pick-pocketed.

Problems that Melanee can advise you on? Fax her at  (02) 751 4446, or e-mail melaneepetra@hotmail.com.

By Melanee Petra