The latest Thai martial-arts film has an everything-and-the-kitchen-sink plot, where characters and elements keep getting thrown in, in hopes that something will work. The result is a dizzying, and needlessly complex plot involving an international terrorist conspiracy led by a character named Osama bin Ali, Khmer black magic and Tibetan amulets.

What's good about "Mercury Man" is the action, choreographed by Panna Rittikrai, Tony Jaa's mentor who did the honours for "Ong-Bak" and "Tom Yum Goong". So there are plenty of muay Thai kicks and elbows to the forehead.

A wannabe "Spider-Man", "Mercury Man" does feature some convincing computer-graphic animation, like when the hero is doing a high dive from the top of the Rama VIII Bridge. The movements are fluid and the rendering flawlessly blends with the live-action characters.

On the downside are the insane plot and the script, which overburdens the Thai actors with a lot of clunky English dialogue. But for action fans and folks looking for the next cult film, those could be selling points.

The story opens in Siem Reap, where some boys are gambling in a remote Angkor temple. The object of their game is guess when a stopwatch will stop; it won't be on zero - it stops due to the mental manipulations of a little Cambodian boy. The cops break up the game and the boy is not seen again until much later in the film.

Cut to Tibet - a band of travellers is looking for a temple with a sacred amulet. When soldiers block their way, out come some nasty looking curved blades and the soldiers are no more. These are the real villains, or one of them at least - Methinee "Luk Ked" Kingphayome. She finds the temple, and though a youthful female guardian (Jinvipa Kheawkunya) with formidable martial arts skills is guarding the amulet, Luk Ked, or Areena as she is called, defeats her and takes the amulet.

Cut to Bangkok, finally. A heroic firefighter, Chan, risks all to save a baby from burning building. Chan, always playing the hero and never willing to work with the team, is demoted to watching the equipment room.

But soon there's a real fire. The blaze has been started as a diversion for a prison break. Areena and her men are fetching their leader - the international terrorist Osama bin Ali (Arnon "Phu Blackhead" Saisangchan).

Chan busts in on the breakout and tries once again to play the hero. Instead, he finds himself stabbed with a mysterious amulet that drives a mercury-like fluid into his veins. The hot fireman is now a super-heated superhero.

Chan has some strange visions involving a monk, who tells him about keeping a cool heart (jai yen), but if he finds that his heart is hot, he must use that power. Then that Tibetan woman pops up out of nowhere to tell Chan what has happened to him - the amulet has given him a superpower. If he has the slightest emotion - anger or passion - his body will overheat and his clothes will burst into flames. If he can control it, he will have super strength, increased agility and be able to perform great leaps.

At home he gives himself a test. This is probably the first time a superhero has used a Penthouse magazine to try out his powers. Sure enough, after lingering over the pages of lewdly posed, buxom blondes, Chan's jeans are afire.

Chan lives with his mother (Darunee Khrittabhunyalai) and has a brother who's now a sister, portrayed by none other than the "Beautiful Boxer" herself, Parinya "Nong Toom" Kiatbusaba.

He instructs his big sis to sew him a superhero costume out of some fireproof cloth. (It just so happens that sis is an expert superhero costume designer, as well as a kick-ass kickboxer, who manages to land a few well-placed kicks.)

Next is a montage of the "dark hero" making headlines as he stops fleeing crooks. He captures some rampaging elephants (that had become enraged by the mind-control of that creepy little Cambodian boy). And, he stops a drunken driver from running down a garland seller, yet the scene still manages to advertise a major beer brand.

Meanwhile, Osama is urging his terrorist network on. How they understand him is beyond comprehension, because his English is very heavily accented. Phu Blackhead's voice should have been dubbed over, or maybe he could have just spoken Thai and had a translator. Or perhaps his character could have been done away with completely, to let Luk Ked star as the chief villain rather than a lackey.

Osama's bombers fan out across Bangkok. One, an attractive young woman, takes a seat in a Khao San Road cafe. A strapping lad talks her up, and when he says he's an American, she bats her eyes and says, "May the force be with you", and triggers her bomb.

Eventually, the action culminates at the Royal Thai Navy base in Sattahip, where a US Navy chemical weapons ship is docked. A rocket is fired at it, but Thailand's aircraft carrier, the HTMS Chakri Nareubet, saves the day. The little Cambodian boy is using his mind control for something or other. Osama doses himself with a chemical weapon. And Areena stabs herself an amulet and turns into an acrobatic ice queen. But she dare not bare herself with a form-fitting painted-on costume like Rebecca Romjin's Mystique in the "X-Men". So Areena has some demurely icy shorts and a halter-top worked into the latex design.

Throughout the film there are references to "Spider-Man". The fire chief tells Chan, "With great fires comes great responsibility." There are spray-painted notes to Spidey in the scenery. And whenever possible, there are children wearing Spider-Man T-shirts. The filmmakers did this in "Ong-Bak", with notes in the scenery to Luc Besson (who in turn bought the rights to the film and distributed it throughout the world) and Steven Spielberg (who has yet to call). It was funny then, but now it's just annoying. Do they honestly think Mercury Man will find his way into a Hollywood superhero film anytime soon?

How about Thai mythology? Maybe Mercury Man can join forces with characters from the "Ramakien". Or maybe he could settle for helping Rambo defeat the generals in Burma and free Aung San Suu Kyi?

Wise Kwai

The Nation