I knew this girl (call her "Mah") when we were in primary school. Although I am now grown up, I have never forgotten her. She was a bully.

She always laughed at the other girls and made fun of them. She never hit anyone, but her words were very cruel. Sometimes she would take our things, such as pens and notebooks, and just keep them.

Once she took a pin that my mother gave to me before she died. It was very important to me, but Mah never gave it back.

Many parents came to school to complain about Mah to the headmistress, but Mah's family was very important, and the headmistress never did anything.

We continued to suffer from Mah until we left for secondary school. Fortunately, Mah's parents sent her abroad to study, and I never saw her again.

Now, I'm in middle management in my company. I know that I'm being considered for promotion, which is dependent on the way I work and manage my staff.

I'm sure you can guess what has happened. My boss just hired a personal assistant (PA), and that person is Mah. She remembers me very well.

When we're alone, such as in the lift, she says cruel things to me. I try not to let her bother me but in her new position she can keep me from progressing in my job.

I'm so worried. She's always in my mind. I can't stop thinking about my mother's pin. I know she still has it. My husband says I'm beginning to sound boring - and I agree. How can I protect myself from this woman?

Please sign me "Little Mouse"

Dear "Little Mouse",

Of course, you're worried about Mah, and afraid of what she can do to you. I would be too, but, may I remind you, it sounds as if Mah spent a very lonely childhood and her family did little to help her.

The first thing you must do is to keep your mouth shut about Mah, especially when you speak to your colleagues. They may not understand, and when you complain about her, they will think you're only jealous. Thus you will hurt yourself - not Mah - by talking about her.

The second thing you must do is to accept that your mother's pin will never be returned to you. I'm sure that the injustice of Mah's actions hurts you just as much as the loss of the pin.

There's nothing you can do about it, though, so please, for your own sake, move on. You have many memories of your mother, without the pin.

If Mah's present actions continue to hurt you, start keeping a diary devoted only to what she does and says. Write in the diary every day, and put all your anxieties, fears and anger into it.

Then, when you finish for the day, let your hurt stay in the book.

Just remember: a woman with so much malice will not concentrate on one person.

Eventually, she will offend so many people that you won't need to say anything. Other people will complain, and she'll discover that she's not in primary school anymore.

Dear Khun Melanee,

May I congratulate you on your comments last week to that dimwit "Chai" who thought it was okay to harass Gee? Even if he and his friends were only joking, they were putting this innocent young girl through an embarrassing experience (or, as you said, a potentially dangerous one).

Chai made one valid point, however, when he said that Gee should pull her nose out of her books.

It's true that she hadn't done anything wrong, but in this day and age, women - and even young girls - can no longer go about their lives without paying careful attention to their surroundings and to the people around them.

It doesn't matter if you're in a mall or in your class, you have to be aware of what's happening around you. There are too many people (and not only men) who mean you harm, real harm, that goes far beyond teasing.

Gee shouldn't think that she's safe just because she's only interested in her studies. In just one second, her whole life could change forever because she didn't notice what was going on around her.

GS

Dear GS,

Thanks so much for your good advice. I hope Gee reads it and understands what you're saying.

Problems that Melanee can advise you on? Fax (02) 751 4446, or e-mail her at: melaneepetra@hotmail.com.

By Melanee Petra