She's single and heterosexual - a great catch for the right guy. Heck, if I were straight, I'd propose marriage! One more thing: She often uses a wheelchair to get around because of a life-long disability.

In many societies, this last fact wouldn't be a big deal, but when it comes to attitudes toward disabled people, Thai society is still in the dark ages. Families with disabled children often try to keep them locked up at home out of shame and fear. Other than the deaf merchants on some busy city corners, how often do we see blind people or wheelchair users moving around Bangkok?

This attitude hasn't stopped Porn from creating a full life. Her family never stopped her from pursuing her education or a career. She was raised to believe she could do anything in life that she wanted, that her physical condition was just one of life's obstacles to be overcome.

She could do anything, that is, except have a love life. Her family had never said this to her, because they never had reason to; Porn was too busy building her business to date anyone. Meanwhile, Porn assumed she was free to live her life as any other adult might.

Everything changed a few months ago, when Porn met a new client, "Jum". After they completed a project they were working on, he asked her out. Surprised and flattered, Porn happily accepted his invitation. Thus began a normal courtship of movies, dinners and romantic phone calls.

After several weeks, Porn's family realised that Jum was more than a client. Alarm bells went off. Porn's assistant refused to help her with her wheelchair if Porn wanted to meet Jum, putting her under virtual house arrest.

Porn's mother threatened to disinherit her if she continued seeing Jum. The family secretly went through Porn's personal phone book and called her friends to urge them to tell Porn to stop seeing Jum.

When Porn confronted her family, with whom she lives, they justified their behaviour by saying they were worried about her. Obviously, they said, Jum was just a gold-digger, why else would any guy want to date a woman in a wheelchair?

They told Porn she wasn't mature enough to date anyone, despite Porn approaching middle age. Her father asked her not to marry Jum, even though she had been dating him only a short time and the thought had never crossed her mind.

In other words, they treated Porn as an ugly duckling. Despite all her worldly success, Porn had never grown up in her parents' eyes. Suddenly they began suffering the anxiety every parent feels as their children lose their charming innocence and become sexually mature teenagers.

Many parents have trouble facing this loss and desperately deny the natural reality. No one wins when this happens. The children lose the guidance they need to make the painful transition to adulthood, and the parents make themselves frustrated and fearful as they hopelessly try to halt the tide of maturity.

The results are angry fights, hurt feelings, and needlessly damaged relationships.

It's been worse for Porn and her family. After all, Porn is no teenager and her parents are no longer middle-aged adults. None of them has the youthful energy to endure this stressful tug-of-war between innocence and maturity.

Porn has stood her ground, but at a high price. She has become depressed and doesn't want to see Jum in her condition. She had believed her family had always thought of her as a mature, full-fledged woman - and not as some childish cripple. The support she took for granted all her life has disappeared and she is grieving over that loss.

As a gay man, I feel for Porn. Her experience parallels that of many gay people. We take our family's support for granted, and when we tell them we're gay, all too often they turn against us. Even if they eventually come around, some trust is lost forever.

We are forced to look outside our families for the love and support we had assumed they would always provide us.

Soon Porn will move out of her family's house into an apartment. She had planned to do so before she met Jum, but now the move takes on greater importance. She now knows she has spent a lifetime in a gilded cage: very pretty, but still a prison. Now she is planning to set herself free.

And like a gay person who comes out of the closet, Porn will enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Life may not be easier in the open world, but it can be more interesting and rewarding. Most importantly, it will be her own life, no longer disabled by prejudice and fear.

Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.