I would suggest that it actually amounts to a collective female conspiracy to make fools of us.

Over the years, female hair has been one of my biggest fascinations. The funny thing is that I just can't seem to stop myself from ruffling my date's hair given the opportunity. They all hate it, but I'll be the first to admit that dishevelled hair just does it for me.

I have a Shih Tzu dog at home and she has really long and messy fur. We try to comb her and tidy her up from time to time, but we always felt that it looks nice in that messy kind of way.

To us, she's probably the prettiest and cutest thing in the world. Nothing she could do is ever wrong. It wasn't until I grabbed her one day and took a close look at her smelly face that I realised all that fur was just a cover-up.

I pushed back the fur the Shih Tzu had around her head and face, and flattened it against her skull. I looked over to my mother and said, "look mum, it's just a common street dog!" Without all that pretty fur, she looked uglier than the poor mutts that roam Bangkok's streets.

Women use their hair to the same effect that Shih Tzus use their fur, except they do it consciously. The sad truth is that there aren't that many women who actually have a perfect face. The top of a very short list of pretty women would be Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley. Julia Roberts would look like a horse without her trademark head of fluff.

It gets worse when you're talking about just you and me. Very, very few of the women we meet in our daily lives can be considered as having a perfectly beautiful face. The hair enhances and disguises parts of the face that women know are imperfect.

To this extent, the most honest hairstyle would actually be a tightly wrapped bun or a ponytail that reveals the entire face's bone structure very prominently. The hairdo of the traditional Thai female dancers is another example of an honest hairstyle.

The most dishonest and deceitful hairstyle would actually be the messy hairdo.

On some women, this covers half of the face. It draws attention away from the face and adds a degree of mystery, which keeps the foolish continually looking to catch a glimpse of what she actually looks like.

In addition, it also adds to the female love of continually pushing her hair from her face with diverted eyes and a coy smile, an extremely demure and seductive gesture that captures the heart of any willing victim.

It adds a certain charm to her personality, which actually might not even exist. It's all in the messy hair.

My fellow columnist got it right when he/she said that messy hairstyles make women sexier. It's far from an act to make her seem more approachable and friendly though.

A woman who takes the time and attention to mess up her hair in a natural and stylish manner is vain, deceitful and most likely a mediocre-looking character who is out to increase her market value.

Go for simple natural hairstyles and imagine her bald from time to time. And if you'd still like her bald, you have my approval.

Ultimate Oink

Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.