He's very sincere and kind. I think we are really in love.

The other day, we went out for a meal with friends. I don't drink, but Neung and the other men drank a lot of wine and cognac. When we finally went home, Neung was just a little bit drunk, but not very much.

Then we started talking. Neung told me that he wanted to marry me, but he can't because he has done something very bad. I said that I didn't believe him. Then he told me what he had done.

About five years ago, before we knew each other, he was riding his motorcycle late at night. He was a bit drunk, but he could still drive.

Then he hit a man who was crossing the street. The man was lying on the road. Neung stopped and checked the man. He didn't know if he was dead or not, but he took him on his motorcycle to a hospital and left him outside the emergency entrance. Then he drove away.

He never spoke about this to anyone. I was the first one. He said he knows he was responsible for the accident, but now he's afraid to find out what happened to the man. He can't forget what he did, and if the man is really dead, he doesn't know what he will do, maybe even commit suicide.

I don't know what to say to Neung to make him stop feeling so bad. I don't want to think about it if he will marry me. I just want him to feel better. I don't want him to kill himself.

Can you please give me some suggestions?

Please Don't Use My Name

Dear Please,

I'm sorry, but you can't do or say anything that will make Neung feel better. He will have to do it himself.

He will never be free from anxiety until he faces whatever punishment is appropriate for his actions. It's time for him to go to the police and tell them what happened.

Nothing that the law does to him will come close to the punishment he's been giving himself for five years.

Dear Khun Melanee,

I had to laugh about "Jan's" problem last week. Her handyman has fallen under the spell of his ladylove! So what? There are lots of other much more serious problems in the world today. Jan should stop being so colonial and turn her concerns to other, more pressing matters.

JD

Dear JD,

I don't know if Jan is being "colonial", but if the problems of her handyman, Daeng, are causing her anxiety, then her problems are very real to her.

Dear Khun Melanee,

About Jan's problem, may I offer another suggestion? She could change Daeng's work hours - even reduce them - so that he would have enough time to clean up after his girlfriend and not feel too tired to do the work he's paid for.

What do you think?

Tom

Dear Khun Tom,

From my own experience, such compromises seldom work. Somehow, neither party ends up very happy by the reduction in hours.

Dear Khun Melanee,

If possible, would you please put me in touch with Jan? I'd like to hire Daeng. I don't care if he comes late or not. I just want a good gardener, someone who loves trees.

MV

Dear MV,

I don't give strangers the contact information of people who write to me. If Jan is interested, she can email me, and I'll pass along your information.

Dear Khun Melanee,

I'm writing you just to tell you how much my family and I enjoy your column.

Your advice provides a strong dose of common sense in these worrisome times.

I do have one complaint. Well, it's not really a complaint, just an appeal. My wife and I would so enjoy learning what happens to your correspondents after you advise them. Did they follow your advice? Was their problem solved?

One case in particular stays in my mind, about a woman who wrote to you that her friend, who was taking 24-hour care of her extremely ill mother, had started cutting herself, probably out of guilt and extreme tiredness. We often wonder what happen to this unfortunate lady. Perhaps you could let us know?

She is always in our prayers.

JS

Dear JS,

I often think about her too. Unfortunately, very few people send me updates. In this case, I never heard anything about her again.

Problems that Melanee can advise you on? Please fax (02) 751 4446, or e-mail her at: melaneepetra@hotmail.com