When good ol' Beckham's not on the football pitch, where he excels at what he does, there's actually very little point to his existence.

A friend of mine once told me about her relationship with a "cool" guy and the paradox she discovered. "I'd swoon every time he played basketball with his friends, but as soon as he came off the court and started behaving like other men, the attraction disappeared," she said.

Take, for instance, a high-school "cool gang" - at the height of its popularity when all its members are teenagers, but whose appeal drops by the second when its members mature.

When one grows up, the things that make you "cool" change. Those who were good street dancers, sportsmen or musicians find that their old talents don't really make all that much of an impact.

There's a lesson to be learnt from this, and it's all about placing yourself where you think your best aspects can be in the spotlight.

At this point, you'd probably ask a middle-class guy's question. If you're not filthy rich, where do you place yourself? It's true that as you grow older, interests such as dancing, music and sport take a backseat to the damning responsibility of acquiring wealth and social status.

Remember you are where you are, and there are places where money and social standing don't matter. You'll find a lot of kids with rich fathers totally lost when it's time for them to use their brains.

Some children of Thailand's richest and most powerful are known to be complete disasters in the classroom. They appear to believe that money is sufficient compensation for sloth and stupidity.

Believe it or not, ignorance and the lack of passion for something other than money are a complete turn-off for many women. The beautiful, intelligent and charming types don't care much for money and would rather be with a man who doesn't feel like his entire future depends on his inheritance.

If you're not filthy rich but are reasonably intelligent and charming, don't go to places that the rich frequent. These guys haunt nightspots, expensive health clubs and luxurious shopping centres because they know that's where they count.

Your place to shine is at work, at conferences and by having interesting hobbies. I know extremely attractive women who have become deeply engrossed in a man simply because they share the same interest in Stephen King or Shakespeare, hiking in the woods or computers. A deep passion in politics and a deep and sincere love for Thailand, for example, can bond a couple far more firmly than money could in these troubled times.

I don't claim that this is an easy task and that you'll find someone to fall in love with you a year after taking up a hobby. To become wanted, you need to be passionate about the things you love. If you can't be passionate about anything, you're likely to be a dull person - and one who doesn't deserve to have someone being passionate about you.

Wherever you are in the adult world, you need to see the value and the purpose of what you're doing. You'll be surprised how much more attractive you'll have become to the opposite sex once you recognise your own value and purpose in life.

Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.