When you think about it, there's nothing surprising in the notion

that the current political upheaval holds lessons about personal relationships.

A sufficient degree of pride and a healthy amount of ego are arguably good things in a relationship, but when self-deception creeps in, you risk upsetting the healthy balance that makes relationships successful.

After the miserable failures of Chuan Leekpai, Banharn Silpa-archa and Chavalit Yongchaiyudh, Bangkok not only wanted but needed a proud and confident leader to help it shed its loser's attitude. We knew we could do better, and we chose Thaksin Shinawatra because he had just the right dose of pride and ego we needed.

Being around someone who's proud and egotistical makes us feel better about ourselves.

A friend of mine remembers moving on from his first serious girlfriend to his second with great joy, relieved to know that he'd switched from a dependent, shy and unconfident girl to someone outspoken, outgoing and seemingly more confident.

Being with someone who knew the roads of Bangkok better than he did, for example, and who had a set of controversial principles she wasn't afraid to publicly defend, was so much sexier.

The problem with pride and ego is that there is always a degree of self-deception and insecurity involved. To be short and precise, the more the pride and ego is projected, the more insecure and self-deceiving that person probably is.

My friend's girlfriend was outspoken and outgoing, but she made a point of showing exactly what a confident and independent person she was. That's just plain pathetic, and an indication of insecurity.

In her defence, my friend did egg her on and constantly heaped praise on her, about how she was as beautiful as a princess, how he'd never met anyone half as intelligent, and how happy he was with her.

Love may have been blind, but to some degree I feel that he was justifying his love for her, which was dwindling by the day.

She became prouder and felt more intelligent due to his constant support, while he wilted away. A year into the relationship, she began to act extremely superior to him, despite the fact that he was better at his job than she was at hers, better educated and had a far brighter future.

Equally important is the fact that far more people liked him than liked her. Because of the unconditional support my friend gave his egotistical girlfriend, she actually believed she was far better than she really was.

The girl then began an affair with another guy.

I sensed that this would eventually happen, since she was constantly seeking approval from the outside world about her sadly mediocre looks, average intelligence and poor personality. They broke up, but not before giving me a good lesson about how pride, ego and self-deception can actually ruin relationships.

Never give unfettered support or credit to a girl who doesn't actually deserve it. It's normal for people in a relationship to give support to each other, but if it gets out of hand, that person will actually believe she's better than she really is.

This delusion will become unassailable. When she actually believes without a doubt that she's superior to you, there could be a lot of shouting and protesting before she leaves your life.

Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.