Violence against women is on the increase, yet in many countries, amazingly, it is not considered a crime. In Thailand a woman at the receiving end of domestic violence is usually too ashamed to ask for help from her family. The neighbours are simply not interested and the police, when called in, are unwilling to help because, they say, it's a private problem.

Domestic violence is not limited to low-income households where the squabbles can be "excused" by frustrations over money. In today's cutthroat society, a married woman with a successful career, children and an upscale condo is as likely to be on the receiving end of blows as a common-law wife living in the slums.

The difference is that the better educated career woman usually has better ammunition at her disposal to strike back and regain her freedom.

To mark International Women's Day on March 8, Cosmopolitan magazine and the Association for the Promotion of the Status of Women hosted a talk titled "Voices of Women" and invited two women who had experienced domestic violence to be on the panel alongside a psychiatrist and lawyer.

When actress Jarinya Hannarong fell in love with her taekwondo enthusiast husband, little did she know that she'd soon be fighting for her life.

His assaults on her became so bad that she decided her best form of protection was to sign up for a martial arts course and be forever on her guard.

Even now, with divorce proceedings well on hand, she finds it hard to comprehend how somehow who professes to love her so deeply can be so brutal.

After many long months of despair, she pulled herself together and turned the crisis into opportunity.

Today Jarinya manages a taekwondo school and enjoys raising their two children.

Swiss-born Karin Flick is another battered wife. She married a Luxembourg man after several months of being wooed with kindness and flowers. They also set up a business.

The marriage went well at first then gradually her partner began to take away her freedom.

"After a year, he become more controlling. He started monitoring my phone calls, checking my cell-phone, printing out my e-mails and being jealous of my girl friends, of my family. It was like I was in a golden cage", she says.

Then he started to insult her in front of her family and her friends and even in public. "I kept asking him seek the advice of the doctor, to consider going to therapy together. And he kept telling me that it was my fault - that I shouldn't be wanting to go out with friends and be independent. But I think in any relationship you should be able to do things on your own. It doesn't always have to be with your partner."

As things worsened he would threaten to kill her or put her into wheelchair if she tried to leave him. Karin realised that he was a very tall and very big man and it wouldn't be difficult for him to kill her if he wanted to.

Despite the difficulties, she decided to leave one night when he was not at home. A friend drove her to the airport.

"I booked five tickets to five destinations in my name, but I decided to travel to Thailand in a different name so that he could never find me again."

Violence is grounds for divorce but, says lawyer Decha Kittivittayanand, a woman must try to get as much evidence as she can.

"You are permitted to fix a digital camera on the ceiling to record your conversations and the scenes that show you being beaten. These can be used legally in court.

"When you call the police try to think of dialling 191 instead of the local police. When you call 191, every single word of your report will be recorded and that can be used in the court as well."

Even before a couple get married, they can draft a list of unacceptable behaviour before an officer at the provincial office and have two witnesses sign their pledge.

If on of them breaks one or more of these vows, the other can sue for divorce and the document can be used as legal evidence.

Psychiatrist and director of Rajanukul Institute Dr Panpimol Lortrakool says a man who hits his wife once will almost certainly do it again.

"While most women believe their man's apologies and his promises never to do it again, he is rarely speaking the truth. On the contrary, he'll find it even easier to hit her the next time."

The lawyer advises women to band together and for women organisations to work more effectively.

"The more women's organisations that stand together, the more power they have. Find a person who really knows the law to handle the legal documents so that the man always goes to jail. And if you have taken all the right steps and you are up against a policeman who will not cooperate, get the proper legal papers.

"With these you can press charges against the policeman," says Decha.

Juthamas Cholthavornpong

The Nation

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Fighting back

- Help prevent problems in marriage but signing a good behaviour bond prior to the wedding at the provincial office and having the provincial officer and two witness sign the paper, which must be validated by a postage stamp of the correct value.

Behaviours that will not be tolerated and are considered grounds for divorce include physical assault; consumption of alcohol; returning home late at night without proper explanation; and having other intimate partners. This bond can be used as evidence in filing for divorce by the other party.

- If domestic violence occurs, always report to 191. The record from the 191 police can be used in court if you decide to take legal action. Then proceed to the doctor for a complete physical exam. The medical certificate must be issued by the examining physician. 

- It is permitted to fix a digital camera up on the ceiling to record how you are assaulted and use this record as evidence in court.

- Consult a law-oriented consultant and have your request drafted.

Always refer to the section under which you are suing for example, section 295 - physical assault. When the request is complete submit it to the investigative police.

- Lawyer Decha Kittivittayanand answers legal queries on FM102 from 11pm to midnight. Call (02) 248 5700, (01) 912 5833 or (02) 948 5700 to leave your question.

The Association for the Promotion of the Status of Women is also happy to advise every women facing domestic violence. Call (02) 929 2301-5.