Published on January 18, 2006

Dear Prime Minister Thaksin Show-a-lot(tra), First of all, hope you don’t mind me giving you this new surname. I think it’s cute and goes well with the present political comedy programme UBC is airing at the moment.

No, I won’t call it “reality TV” for obvious reasons – unless you can convince me that it’s natural for a supposedly down-to-earth leader to be guarded by a dozen sharpshooters while taking a toilet break in a poor village in his own country.

I find the show interesting, though, and everybody involved seems to have done a good job of keeping any foreign luxury designer brands out of camera range. Guess you have fired those morons who failed to warn you about that Fendi towel during your “unassuming” temple stay in Udon Thani two years ago, huh?

By the way, long time, no see. By this, I don’t mean we haven’t “seen” each other. In fact, I think we are getting closer every day, so much so that we may eventually become one. Such is the strength of our bond. It’s long time, no talk to be exact.

As with my two previous letters, this one was inspired by you, my dear friend. A new “War on Corruption”. What were you on this time, pal? Didn’t you read my last message carefully? The moment you declared there was nothing fishy in that stinky CTX deal, you were defeated, fair and square.

If your anti-corruption lieutenants still insist that the war can still be won, someone should take them and rub their noses in the political ruins of the CTX affair.

And I haven’t heard you say a word on a new Suvarnabhumi Airport controversy. Who owns the Singaporean firm which has bought a major stake in Thai Airport Ground Services Co, which conspicuously is looking poised to grab a major deal at the airport? Tell me you have checked their backgrounds, otherwise there remains no light at the end of the tunnel.

If you still want to fight, the next time you take your family on a “vacation” to Singapore, please find the spare time to investigate (as a self-proclaimed “commander” in the war on me, don’t say you don’t work on your holidays). And when you come back, please reassure the Thai public that “Frobisher” is a legitimate, well-established company with all the necessary expertise to handle airport ground services, not one registered by nominees of those drooling over lucrative Suvarnabhumi projects. Only when you do that will I start taking you seriously.

Talking about Singapore, hope all the bad Shin Corp rumours are not true. Good, if you want to put an end to the conflict of interests issue, but there have been few signs that this is really the case. Anyway, out of my genuine concern for your country, if the Shin Corp sell-off, or share swap, or whatever, is really underway, please make sure some of the money stays in Thailand.

This doesn’t mean I would mind a mega-money transfer. I’m proud every time politicians move their fortunes overseas, in whatever form.

Some other close friends of mine – national leaders like you but probably with a less noble purpose – have done that, though most didn’t live happily ever after.

Rich politicians hate keeping their assets in their own countries. In the past my name was very much associated with Swiss banks, but thanks to the new generation, asset concealment has become the highest form of art. You can’t trace me, my friend, because they are now using so many nominees that nobody would bother counting.

See? Now you know why I’m a bit worried on your behalf. You may want to end conflict of interest, but your action can easily be misunderstood.

As I told you in my previous letters, my life has been too easy over here. I sincerely want you to become my worthy enemy, not someone who is mistaken and perceived to have become his own enemy, so to speak.

Before I say goodbye, allow me to give you some more advice. It’s not wise to proclaim that you have no greed, anger and obsessions. When you scolded newspapers for their “lousy” headlines yesterday, the “anger” bit made you a laughingstock.

But to be fair to you I will hold my judgement on the “greed” part until I know exactly how much Shin Corp is worth.

Last but not least: to save both of us time, maybe you should stop trying to catch me. I can be like your own shadow, you know.

Your old friend,

Corruption

Tulsathit Taptim

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