Published on December 13, 2005
Women out there might be delighted to hear of a new dating manual for men called “Mack Tactics – The Science of Seduction Meets the Art of Hostage Negotiation”.
The writer, Christopher Curtis, an American, is an ex-police negotiator, and feels that his experiences dealing with crazed homicidal hostage takers might prove useful when it came to romancing the ladies. (Charming we’re sure.)
It seems it’s all about establishing meaningful bonds, gaining confidence and breaking down barriers. There’s also some stuff about getting women to feel like they should “reciprocate favours” – so, if a man buys you a drink, instead of saying, “Thank you for the drink, Hank”, the woman feels she should throw all her clothes off. So far, so unbearably disturbing. However, in a recent interview Curtis let slip that part of his job as a police negotiator was luring the more crazed hostage takers to the window so they could be shot down in a hail of bullets. Well, haven’t we all had dates like that? As my experience of police negotiators amounts to watching Bruce Willis in “Hostage” rasping in a stubbly, jaded, pot-bellied manner and promising people helicopters, I remain unconvinced that this is the way forward for the dating scene. Women don’t even like helicopters – the wind from the propellers plays havoc with your hair. However, Curtis’ book sold out on Amazon.com on the first day, so presumably there are men out there who favour the “Bruce” approach to romance. Presumably it won’t be long before our bars are full of men putting women in half nelsons and slamming them to the ground. None of which matters anywhere near as much as the fact that all this silliness might just be women’s fault. Not all women, obviously, just those who write dating manuals telling other women to treat romance as if it were a business strategy, a political campaign, a Bronte sisters’ plot, or whatever bewildering bilge happens to be the craze that week. Ever since the big momma of all dating manuals, “The Rules”, told us to wear skirts more often and “become creatures unlike any other”, there has been a market for this kind of thing, nobody acknowledging that after a few drinks a lot of us naturally become “creatures unlike any other” and would rather not be. Ultimately, it seems, these “strategies” turn romance into the very thing it shouldn’t be – bloody hard work. Saying that, for some women the road to love is like entering a murky swamp, leading to a brambly thicket, followed by a tightrope walk over Niagara Falls, ending with a desperate slide down a glass wall, fingernails sparking and screeching, as you fall to a terrifying death in the bowels of hell. In this context perhaps picking up a couple of books from the nearest bookshop is no biggie. However, if it’s embarrassing for women to admit that they might need help, for men it must be the end of the line. Perhaps that’s why the blossoming male-dating-manual culture seems more macho than an arm wrestle with Vin Diesel. Indeed, what’s funny now that men have got involved is how organised, aggressive and strangely homoerotic they are. At least with women, it’s about impressing men, with men it seems to be all about (ahem!) impressing men. The women they meet, or want to meet, seem almost to be incidental. The main point seems to be keeping a sexual score, attaining goals, and, most importantly, rubbing other guys’ noses in how successful and virile they are. Just like poor Hugh Hefner, who prefers to be photographed surrounded by babes, in his bobbly old dressing gowns, as if this somehow amounts to the apex of sexual success, books like “Mack Tactics” highlight the point that for men succeeding isn’t enough; being seen to succeed is what counts. And they wonder why it all ends in tears and celibacy. In his highly readable “The Game”, Neil Strauss reveals that eventually the womanisers he hung out with spent all their time trying to outmanoeuvre each other and the women were all but forgotten. Even more tellingly, when Strauss finally fell for a woman, she hooted with derision at all his well-honed tactics. While one sympathises with the fact many men spend their early years on the pull, swimming through oceans of beer and rejection, there is such a thing as trying too hard. All you guys should just relax and put on your lucky pants – where strategies go, you can’t beat the classics. – The Guardian Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.
Post your comment to this story here