Published on June 13, 2005
Elite card selling well (ha ha ha) ; university students are naughty; TAT tells tall tales – again; Brit’s brain gets exit stamp; beach was there yesterday
Bangkok post reporter Supradit Kanwanich has become a front-runner in the annual Suck Up Newspaper Journalist of the Year Awards with a liveless piece on the Chiang Mai Night Safari, which ran in last week’s Sunday Post.
Employing the very best in school of journalism known as “I better not ask any questions because of his high social status”, Supradit managed to scribble 1,200 words without so much as a twitter of criticism – quite a feat given the subject matter and the interviewee, slippery bureaucrat Plodprasop Surasvadi. Plodprasop, the former permanent secretary of the Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment, is in charge of the Chiang Mai Night Safari project, which explains a lot. The reporter even refers to Plodprasop as “Dr”, earning even more points on the suckup-o-meter. Anyway Supradit, now that you are in Plodprasop’s pocket, perhaps you could throw a few of these curly questions his way next time you two do lunch? Let’s start with: The budget for Chiang Mai Safari was set Bt600 million. But that was all gone after you banged up a couple of buildings and a fence to keep in all the exotic animals you hadn’t purchased yet because you had run out of money. Q1: Dr Plodprasop, So where’d all the money go, then, huh? Suddenly finding yourself out of money, you ask the Cabinet for more. The prime minister throws another Bt600 million your way. You then announce that with this money you would buy elephants . . . From Thailand . . . For a night safari . . . Q2: At Bt200,000 each, how many elephants can you buy for Bt600 million? (Hint: 3,000. This number of pachyderms exceeds normal herd size, and, therefore, is commonly referred to as a “shitl***” of elephants”). Q3: Could the money have been better spent? Perhaps on animals that were not elephants, were not from Thailand, and were nocturnal? Q4: And where are these elephants, anyway? You haven’t even bought them yet, have you? Come on, own up. Your budget has ballooned to Bt1.2 billion; the safari park’s infrastructure is still incomplete; you still don’t have any animals (including elephants) and you have constantly misled the public on the opening date (last opening date: April 12; next opening date: September). Q5: So how much money you got left then, huh? Conservation groups are holding up delivery of animals from Australia and Kenya. Among other things, protests are based on Thailand’s reputation as a hub for wildlife smuggling. But this didn’t stop you from hiring as a consultant Pim …...: the owner of Safari World, which has been accused of involvement in illegal wildlife smuggling? Q6: So, why did you hire Pim. It couldn’t have been for the night safari’s credibility? Given that nothing is ever going to happen to you and your associates if anyone ever bothers to investigate these dodgy goings on then: Q7: Why am I writing this? Privileged few Defying all expectations, sales of the Elite privilege card have smashed through the 850-membership barrier. An upbeat Privilege Card Co source told Farang Affairs that the company was expecting its 851st member by the end of July. “In celebration of our 850th member in just three years, we are proud to announce a number of other exciting privileges for Elite card-holders,” the source said, before being led away. The new privileges include 30 per cent off fares on the No 38 bus on weekends; a 7-Eleven VIP-shopper discount card; and a free family pass to the Chiang Mai Night Safari (offer expires June 30). Can’t think of good headline TheatreWorks is delighted to offer two special performing arts workshops for children and teens. Why anyone would be delighted spending eight hours trying to keep dozens of screaming, precocious kids under control is beyond us, but anyway . . . The workshops are led by Dale Gutzman. Who the &*%$. is Dale Gutzman? Dale Gutzman is an international theatre director and acting coach, whose most recent Bangkok credits include directing “Jesus Christ Superstar” and “Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” at The Bangkok Playhouse for United Bangkok Artists, a group he helped create . . . Okay, okay. We just asked who he was, we didn’t want his bleeding life story. Here’s what is happening: Group 1: Nine to 12-years old; September 24, 9am-4pm. Group 2: Teens 13-18-years old; September 25, 9am-4pm. Call (09) 06 5259 or (01) 869 1104, or email TheatreWorks@sala.net for details. Bible bashing TheatreWorks will be running more Andrew Lloyd Webber biblical-based musicals during the year. The first will be one based on the story of Moses, called: “Let My People Go, Prick!”. The second is the New Testament yarn “Get Your Rocks Off”, based on the story of Mary Magdalene. Sans 7-Eleven This would have to be a first: 7-Eleven in Bangkok has been demolished! This brings the total number of 7-Elevens in the city down to 2,345,456. The ex-7-Eleven was the one at the bottom of the On Nut Skytrain steps opposite Tesco. Now stands a vacant lot where this 7-Eleven once stood. We made enquires as to what will be built in its place and we were told a 7-Eleven. Suicide watch Pathologist Khunying Pornthip Rojanasunand disclosed evidence yesterday showing it was unlikely that a murder suspect surrounded by police had committed suicide by firing five bullets into himself. No flies on Khunying Pornthip! Students are normal An ABAC Poll survey, in conjunction with the Office of the Thai Health Promotion Fund (ThaiHealth), found that university induction ceremonies are really boring. However these freshmen initiation ceremonies are, according the Thai News Agency, “a practice annually condemned by society,” because no one invites them. A total of 46.8 per cent of freshmen surveyed spoke of being made to drink alcohol, which they considered wrong because they had to pay for it. Another 8.9 per cent said that the “activities involved cigarettes”, including using them to smoke. A further 6.7 per cent said that some of the activities were dangerous, but not for them because they were too busy drinking. Another 4 per cent said that they were involved sexual harassment, a figure well below the national average; 2.6 per cent said that they involved drugs, which is about the national average, and 1.4 per cent said that they were involved in visits to prostitutes, but they weren’t really complaining. Dr. Supakorn Buasai, the manager of Thaihealth, said something so banal and out of touch its not worth repeating, while, Supachai Preechanoon, who was at the bus stop out front of The Nation’s office, said he waiting for bus No 141, which is far more interesting than a stupid beat-up from the Thai News Agency about university students acting like university students. Second-place winner Thailand has been ranked the most popular tourist destination in Asia by readers of the Conde Nast Traveler magazine, according to straw-clutching Tourism Authority of Thailand governor Juthamas Siriwan, who failed to add that it doesn’t mean that any of them are actually going to come here. The amicable Thai News Agency reports that nearly 96 per cent of the readers of Conde Nast Traveler last year voted Thailand their favourite destination. It finished a close second to Australia, which received almost 97 per cent of the vote. This report raises a number of interesting points: n Thailand is ranked “the most popular tourist destination in Asia” despite finishing “a close second to Australia,” which was ranked as the most popular tourist destination in Asia. n A total of 193 per cent of Conde Nast Traveler readers voted, which puts it just behind the 210 per cent of people who voted in the last Samut Prakan Provincial Organisation Association elections. n Australia is in Asia. Moveable beach Following the first trial of extending North Pattaya Beach near the Dusit Resort, positive feedback from visitors and beach vendors has apparently pleased city councilors, says the Pattaya Mail, begging the question: How do you extend a beach on a trial basis? And what would have happened if the feedback was negative (eg, “this beach extension sucks – too much sand!”). Would that mean Pattaya city fathers would have to take it away and put back what was there before? Brain’s exit stamp Briton Robert David Sand, 34, was nabbed in Pattaya for having a fake passport. The Pattaya Mail reports that Sand threw away his own passport, then had a fake made by counterfeit document artisans in Khao San Road. Convinced that the Bt500 investment to secure the fake passport was enough money to secure the very best forgery available, Sand - now named David Julian Dixon Kingham - headed off to his local Immigration office to extend his visa. But an eagled-eyed immigration police noticed something amiss and Sand was knicked. Sand explained to Immigration police that the reason he did this was because his “wife in the UK had sued him and he had a judgment to pay child support of Bt400,000 a month”. Bt400,000! How many kids has he got? Normally we believe everything we read, but this story has more holes in it than Beach Road – unless Sand threw away his brain along with his passport and picked up a new one in Khao San Road, also for Bt500. 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