Published on May 23, 2005

It’s a normal lunch date with your girlfriend, whom you’ve been with for a year. She suddenly comments on how loudly you’re sipping your tea. Without realising it, you get really upset at her comments. That’s when the sudden recognition hits: you can’t stand this woman anymore.

Something couples don’t realise before it’s too late is that there is actually a cut-off point where the relationship has already ended, but due to familiarity and the reluctance to change, they force themselves to go on.

“I don’t understand how he could treat her so badly,” a girl once said to me. I nodded my agreement, but chuckled inside. You could call it the road of no return, but we Thais have a better description for it. It’s called men na, directly translated as “your face stinks”, but actually describes what you feel when you really can’t bear a person any longer.

The term men na is typically reserved for someone you really dislike, but I like to think of it as a phase in a couple’s relationship. It starts off all sweet and bubbly, like any relationship is during the first three months. You can only tell if it will last after the couple’s been in each other’s face for at least a year. The early signs should show after that, or even sooner.

It starts with the smallest of signs.

The slight comment on how your partner is dressed, the way he laughs, or her little insecurities. At first it’s cute, then soon after, it’s not. Then comes the bickering over something as trivial as whether Charlize Theron should have won the Oscar.

The most certain indication that the relationship is ending is when these small arguments are left unresolved. Every tiny bit of unresolved anger gets deposited into a savings account. When the limit is reached, his or her face will really, really smell.

When your face stinks, nothing you do will ever be right again. Take the example of May, a friend of mine who has been in a relationship with an older man for a while. May decided to go out with some friends after she repeatedly called her boyfriend’s mobile phone only to get his answering machine.

When May finally went out with her friends, her boyfriend eventually called her and was actually on the way to pick her up for dinner. They ended up having a huge argument.

Several people, women in particular, will blame the man for not picking up the phone and for acting like an idiot afterwards. Little will they acknowledge that during the year-long relationship, May often acted like an over-sensitive brat who was easily hurt and demanded as much attention as a little baby. After a year of having to grovel and to pamper May, her face suddenly began to stink.

After their huge row, May actually took the effort to buy her boyfriend’s favourite dessert and drove all the way to his house to give it to him. When she got to his flat, she couldn’t get in the front door and had to call him on his mobile phone. He never picked up.

It’s a fair conclusion that in this one incident, it was the man who acted like a baby. But when your face stinks, even the best dessert in the classiest hotel won’t improve your relationship.

The best thing to do is to have it cleaned, and as far as relationships go, the only way to clean your smelly face is by starting anew with someone else.

Comments on this column can be sent to relations@nationgroup.com.

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